You be the judge

I have a situation I want to lay out for you all, and I want your thoughts.

As background:

I may have discussed it before, but BF dated a girl about 7 years ago for a little over a year.  His daughter was young at the time and so she grew fairly close to the GF when they dated, especially since she was around their house so much.  BF broke up with her because he couldn't see a future with her in a romantic sense.  They remained very close friends in the following years.  Much like Ex-H and I did during my solidly single years, they became each other's BF/GF stand-ins.  They went to weddings together, they did holidays together on occasion, they spent birthdays together.  They did a lot of things with his daughter, too.  This continued all the way up to right before we started dating. They had done a gingerbread decorating expo as a threesome for Christmas and he'd gone to an event at Verizon Center with her in the first couple weeks we were dating.

When we started dating more seriously, we had a discussion wherein we both outlined that we were good friends with exes, and that as long as we were open about it and we were now re-allocating certain activities to one another as opposed to the ex (ie, birthdays spent with each other instead of with the exes), we wouldn't have any issues.

At some point within our first couple months of dating, his (long ago) Ex sent me a FB friend request out of the blue.  I've never met her.  It was weird.  I told him about it, and he was pretty weirded out. She withdrew the request within a couple of hours, but it was already in the universe.

Later in the spring BF's cat got really sick.  He contacted her for help since she had experience with what his cat was going through.  She offered to help and ended up heavily involved for the next few days.  She stayed over one night (his daughter was there as well) and they all stayed up all night trying to get the cat to eat, drink, giving her meds, etc.  I wasn't thrilled, and it caused some tension, but I understood why he involved her ultimately.  My main issue came on the day that he had to let the cat go.  The three of them went to the vet and afterwards got some dinner.  She offered to stay the night again, and he declined.  I thought that was inappropriate of her to even suggest, but again....he told her no, so it was fine.

The next day she posted a HUGE Facebook status update about everything that had happened with the cat.  She wrote about how much she loved BF and his daughter, how strong they were, how she had done everything she could to help.  She posted pictures of herself hugging his daughter while she held the cat for the last time.  The post resulted in all of her friends commenting to tell her how amazing she was to be there for them, how lovely it was that she cared so much.  Her replies to the comments were huge long posts basically patting herself on the back.  It reeked of desperation, but I let it go.  BF had nothing to do with it, didn't ask for it, didn't reply to it.

He was further weirded out by it, I think, and subsequently didn't talk to her for months.  Hasn't talked to her since then.  At that time she asked for his daughter's phone number to text her about things, and he checked with her and she said she didn't want him to give her the number.  So he ignored the request and Ex let it go.

Jump to yesterday.  I spent NY's Eve and NY's day at BF's house.  We had to run to the grocery store at 5pm for an ingredient for our turkey burgers, and got back about 5:30.  I left for the night about 8pm.  We headed out  the door, him carrying my bag, and found a huge tote bag full of stuff on the porch.  It had a card on top and was addressed to BF's daughter using a nickname he and his family have used for her since childhood.

I knew immediately who it was from and said, "Well, I have my guess as to who this is from."  He said, "I'm sure you're right."  Picked it up, put it inside the door.  I was already going down to the car, but said, "That's really weird.  So she came all the way out here and then didn't even knock?"  Note that it was NOT there when we got back from the store.

He said, "I guess so!"  I said, "I'm sure she saw my car in the driveway and that's why."  He agreed.  I asked if he'd talked to her recently and he said he hadn't spoken to her in months.  I voiced my opinion that it was really weird, and asked why she continues to think she is daughter's mom or family.  He said he didn't know.  We got to my car and said our regular goodbyes and I left.

Key points:

She lives 40-45 minutes away.  She drove out uninvited, without asking him, in the dark on a cold winter night.  Upon arrival, she didn't even knock or ring the doorbell, instead leaving the Christmas gift on the porch by the door.

Found out later she'd also tagged BF in a post on FB for the first time in MONTHS.  Something totally innocuous about a brewery opening nearby and how excited he surely was about it, but still. A post on her wall, tagging him, when they haven't talked in months.

Now that I've laid it all out for you....what do you think???

ETA:  BF told me previously that his daughter has always been more weirded out than anything by Ex's attempts to be her mom/BFF.  She tolerated the efforts more than appreciated them, at least in recent years as she's gotten older.  So I'm not worried that his daughter is in any way attached to Ex, in fact, I think she'll view this gift thing as really odd.  And for the record, I know BF finds the whole thing, and how it came about, to be quite odd, too!