Monday, January 30, 2012

Next time I'll just go see the movie by myself!

So I had my second date Saturday night with the guy from last weekend, he of the magical snowy Old Town evening.  I’d been looking forward to it all week long.  I was like a giddy teenager.  I had my outfit picked out, my jewelry, how I’d do my hair.  I anticipated the possibility of our first kiss, and envisioned him grabbing my hand in the movie theater.

Saturday morning he texted me and said, “Did you know this movie is 2 hours and 40 minutes long?”  I replied and told him that I’d warned him it was long.  This was the second time since Wednesday, when we’d decided on this movie, that he’d made a comment about it, the first being a comment about possibly falling asleep during it.  I grudgingly told him that we didn’t have to see it, I would just go see it another time.  He asked if there was anything else I wanted to see, I told him the truth…no.  So he relented and agreed to go to the original movie.  But I told him no, I wouldn’t enjoy it if I knew he wouldn’t want to see it.  Entirely true.  I refuse to drag people to movies I know they are not interested in because it takes away from my viewing pleasure, and I’ve been trying to see this movie for WEEKS. 

We decided to go out to dinner then come to my apartment to watch a movie.  Fine.  I was a little bit annoyed about the last minute plan change.  I was disappointed about again not seeing the movie I wanted, and beyond that, I had to spend a great deal of time that afternoon cleaning my apartment for company.

However, my annoyance wore off and my anticipation returned, and I got myself all ready.  I looked awesome.  New outfit, straight, delightful hair, all the right details.  He suggested meeting at the restaurant.  Okay.  Kind of strange, but whatever.  As I was about to leave the house, tells me he may be about 10 minutes later than planned as he was going to walk instead.  Stranger, but again, whatever.  I delay my departure to accommodate the latest change, and head out.  I beat him there and get a table. 

He arrives and looks very cute.  The owner knows him, comes over to say hi, chats with me for a few minutes.  When he leaves, my date tells me, “That’s the nicest he’s ever been to me!”  I tell him, “You’re welcome.”  ;-)

Dinner is good.  We get along very well again.  He compliments my nail color and my bracelet throughout the meal.  Afterwards, we go to my car, and he asks if we can stop by his apartment for him to pick up beer.  Seriously.  I had told him before that I don’t really drink at home, and I never have beer on hand.  So, I’m a sucker, so we stop.  He tells me don’t worry, I’ll get a cab home so you don’t have to drive me.  Hmm.

Back at my apartment I give him the 2 minute tour and we sit down to watch the movie.  He talks.  A lot.  During the movie.  This is a movie I love to show to people if they haven’t seen it.  A movie I adore. He knows this.  I keep pausing it when he’s jabbering.  At first it’s kind of funny, but it gets annoying. 

During one part of the movie, one character tries to get another to stop smoking.  He puffs out in agitation at this.  Important note:  This guy’s dating profile said “Sometimes” for smoking.  I didn’t notice this until we’d been talking for about a week and I already liked him.  We discussed it at the time, and he told me he was just a social smoker, not an all the time thing.  I was functioning under this impression until this point.

So he actually says something about how smokers are so oppressed by society. They can’t smoke anywhere.  He likens people who dislike smokers to how he dislikes when people talk on cell phones going through checkout lines.  I point out that, no, those are totally not comparable.  Talking on a cell phone doesn’t make the person smell like an ashtray, nor does it have an adverse physical effect on others around them.  It’s just annoying, it’s not a health issue.

He disagrees, we awkwardly wind in and out of this conversation before somehow setting it aside to continue the movie.  I’m turned off. 

When the movie ends, I go to take my dog out.  He insists he wants to come with me.  We’re barely out there 2 minutes before he says, “Let’s go back in, I’m cold!”  I told him I should have just gone by myself.

Back inside, we sit on the couch and he flips through my On Demand selections for a few minutes, never taking his coat off.  I ask if he wants to go home, he says, “Yeah, soon.”  At this point I basically just watch him flip through the channels, ready to get rid of him. 

Sidenote:  He drank 2 drinks at the restaurant, and 3 beers at my apartment.  Told me he’d walked to the restaurant because he wanted to drink and he couldn’t risk driving since he has a security clearance.  Note also that he took a cab to our first date as well, for the same reason.  Pattern.

Finally he says “Should I call a cab?”  Subtle.  I tell him no, I’ll take him home.  I’m annoyed.  I gather up my purse and coat quickly, lead him out the door.  I speed to his apartment.  We pull up, he gives me a hug, thanks me, gets out, and I depart immediately. 

I get home and bemoan the fact that I just wasted all this effort on looking nice for nothing. 

He texts me.  Tells me he feels like he left really abruptly, he doesn’t know why because he was having fun.  I reply, “You did.” He asks if I’m bitter with him.  We have this weird text convo where he basically tells me he left because he wanted to smoke, and he knows that’s “a big deal for me”.  I am NOT impressed.  He can tell.  He gets defensive. 

He says, among other things:
You seem to have incredibly strict standards on that.  I’m not a pack a day smoker.  I do like one or two on a Saturday night. It’s not the entirety of me.

Sorry, I like a smoke now and then.  Whoopsy daisy.

I’m not a Mormon.

I feel trapped if I can’t smoke.

At this point I’m feeling the not very subtle hostility.  He begins to remind me of my most recent ex.  The scary one.  The one whom I chose my words carefully with to avoid sparking his anger.  Red flag.  I am just responding “Okay then” over and over. I’m not taking the bait.

We wrap up, with him telling me he’s sorry.  He was disappointing.  He would liked to have stayed.  I looked stunning.  Whatever.  I go to bed.

Sunday sucked.  I slept in until 11, woke up with a migraine.  Took a pill, went back to sleep about 2.  He’d texted me a couple times prior to that, I responded very briefly.  When I woke up at 5:45, he’d asked me about hanging out again that night.  At first I waffled.  Then I thought of everyone I know telling me I don’t give people enough chances on these early dates.  I rule people out too quickly.  So I said okay.

He came over.  He smelled like smoke.  Gross.  Instant turn-off.

We watched a movie.  He talked less this time, probably because I didn’t actually give a damn about this movie.  He sat with enough room in between us to hold another person.  After the movie he said he had to go home, gave me a hug.  I gladly escorted him out my door, and that was done.  Done, done, done.

I should have trusted my instincts after Saturday.  No harm, no foul, really, save for the nasty cigarette smell I was stuck with for 2 hours.  Now I know for sure, and I can close that tiny little book and toss it into the dating fire for kindling!  And I can go out knowing that I did look stunning on Saturday, and it is his loss, and we all know it…me, him, and the restaurant owner from Saturday night.  ;-)

Just goes to show you, one great date does not a boyfriend make!


  1. Dang it. I'm so sorry. That blows (smoke) (also, he sounds addicted but like he doesn't realize it). Is the restaurant owner available/worth your time? He sounds great so far!

  2. Tracy: I'm sure he would be lovely if I was looking for a father figure, lol.