As I've mentioned, BF and I have been discussing engagement and marriage more and more often recently. We've had a few separate conversations about the ring, initially sparked by my ex-H's purchase of an insanely expensive ring for his fiancee. I assured BF I did NOT want something crazy like that and he said "That's good to know!!!" and we both had a chuckle over it.
We've discussed the idea of me picking out my own ring, though I still feel a bit disappointed at that notion. Yes, it means I definitely get something I like, but it does take away the surprise element. We've also talked about going to look at rings so he gets an idea of what I like and my ring size, as well as him just getting help on a ring from either my mom, my gf, A or J. J has offered to let me show her some ideas of what I would like and to assist BF when the time comes.
Herein lies my question. I definitely do not want BF breaking the bank on a ring. I feel a bit older and wiser this time around and know that I'd rather invest money into a house or a vacation or something that we can both enjoy. When I got married to ex-H, he bought me a ring set that was way more expensive than we could afford. It was beautiful, but beyond our means. Now I'm in a much better situation financially, but I still don't want to go overboard. I have pretty simple tastes. I loved my old engagement ring, but the band I had to get was matched to the engagement ring and thusly had a row of diamonds on it. OK, but I wanted just a plain platinum band and ALWAYS felt that the wedding band was too much for my tastes.
So, when it comes to engagement rings, how do I decide what price range to focus in on? I will fully disclose that I'm definitely keeping it under $2K, and really am thinking more in the $1K-$1500 range. This definitely limits me in many ways. I'm bound to end up with a smaller diamond, a lower end diamond. Again...how much do I care? I've had friends chide me when I say that I'd be fine with a $1K ring, and one who said, "As long as he doesn't buy it at Kay Jewelers or something". Again, I didn't really get that. Yes, Kay is a chain jewelry store with super cheesy commercials and a jingle that makes me want to poke my eyes out. But the jewelry is pretty (for the most part).
I've done my research and the jewelry at places like Kay is definitely not as high of quality. Lower clarity and color on the diamonds, all that jazz. I'm here to ask the questions:
Will I even notice that much?
Does it matter?
If I'm OK with a simple $1K engagement ring from Kay Jewelers or Bluenile or wherever, does it really matter what anyone else thinks? Is there a real, solid reason that I should avoid this price range or these sellers or anything else?
I feel a burden in picking things out myself because I am definitely setting the expectation financially with my ideas, and I don't want to come across greedy or materialistic, because I'm not! I'm 37 years old, but I will fully admit that when I look at a simple, cheap e-ring (some I've liked are $800 or something), I really like some of them, but then I have that moment..
The diamond is really small (half a carat or less)...will people think BF is cheap or that we're poor? I really rather loathe that little part of me, but I admit it's there. I have the part of me that says, "I like what I like, who cares!" and then the smaller, but still there part that worries about what it will say to everyone else.
For the record, I'm not being that nutter girl off looking at engagement rings before engagement is even on the table. This is something I've discussed with BF and he's encouraged the idea of letting him or others know what I would like, so this is a sane and reasonable discussion to be having. ;-)
Any thoughts, specific or generalized, on the subject would be greatly appreciated!
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If it is tin it won't matter. What it stands for is what does. My engagement ring is a band of black diamonds. I did the solitaire thing and didn't want another. I have three stacked bands with the engagement band in the middle.
ReplyDeleteFriends who will chide you... Well it is pretty shallow.
Show him some pictures and let him do the rest. And ENJOY your moment!!!
This is so true. Thank you for the honest reminder! What I ended up doing was finding a few rings that I loved via an Etsy seller (who is an actual NYC jeweler) and sending them to J. We'd just talked about me doing that this weekend with all three of us sitting there, and I knew he'd be most comfortable checking with her!
DeleteI assure you all my moment is still probably multiple months away, though. :)
RJ and I are saving for a house and I think that's more important than a ring. So I told him not to get me one. He did get a little band because he said he felt weird proposing with nothing. My wedding ring has some bling. I don't regret not getting an engagement ring, it was weird when people grabbed my hand when we said we were engaged and then I felt like I had to explain why it was a big stone. I was in the camp that if the ring wasn't going to be a nice size diamond, then I didn't really want one. Yes, that is very shallow, but overall having an engagement ring just wasn't all that important. My mom sold hers when my parents bought the house they currently live in and doesn't regret not having one. I wouldn't worry about what others thing, although I know that I did! So hard for me to give that advice :)
ReplyDeleteThat makes total sense! I love hearing these stories of people who did their own thing. :) It is hard to ignore that voice in your head about the opinions of others, but ultimately I've got to keep learning that that does not matter. As I've told a couple others in replies, I found a few rings I loved from an Etsy jeweler and sent the links to J. Now she has them, and they can either be specific ones to look at or a style to go by. :)
DeleteI am with you about the price of the ring, I really don't care. My aunt wears a simple thin gold band, and that's what I would do. Although I'd like a rose gold band, and an eternity band with small diamonds, I want some kind of bling, but nothing fancy. Have you looked on Etsy? Or Catbird? Catbird has lovely engagement rings and they are small diamonds, and the prices are decent. I have fat fingers and unless they size to order could never get one :(
ReplyDeleteConsidering that we are buying a house, I would rather spend the money to replace the home with energy efficient windows than have M liquidate his bank account on something I would wear on my finger, and something I would most likely not want to wear (especially if it gets caught on things).
Yes, I'm with you in that I want a little bit of bling, but definitely not a lot. Just enough to sparkle on a daily basis. :) I do hope to get just a plain white gold wedding band this time around, though.
DeleteI actually did find a seller on Etsy who has several rings I love! I sent the links to J, BF's daughter, and they'll either use those as specific suggestions or at least to get an idea of what I like. The ones I found have about 1/3 c center stone with smaller ones surrounding and are about $1100. Still not a super cheap purchase, but I feel comfortable with that price range.
And maybe your next post will be on whether a wedding is worth it or not? Or what you maybe think you would do this time around??
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! That will likely be a post once I get engaged in one million years. :p However, we have discussed and I think we would do a very small, simple wedding. Just immediate family and a few really close friends. I'm thinking on the beach in OBX or something meaningful to us, very low key. I won't be spending a bunch of money on flowers or an expensive dress or all the things I did the first time. This will be streamlined from that x100!
DeleteHave you thought about alternative stones instead of diamonds?
ReplyDeleteI replied on my phone, but its not showing up, so just in case...I haven't actually considered other stones. I do like the look of diamonds. I did, however, find a seller on Etsy who makes really lovely rings with conflict-free diamonds at a reasonable price, certified and all.
DeleteWhat about an estate sale ring if it met your taste? I told my husband that this time around I wanted something plain and I ended up with a beautiful full round diamond band that is both engagement and wedding ring, for $350. I love it.
ReplyDeleteThat is definitely a good idea! Sounds like you got an awesome deal doing that. :) Love BF, but he's a bit clueless when it comes to jewelry, so he definitely needs/wants guidance for something like this.
DeleteFirst of all, ring talk is super exciting! Second of all, I'm probably the worst person to advise you since I have strong feelings :) I will say I used to be AGAINST the idea of picking out my own ring, but now I realize that if the guy is spending $ and I'm going to wear it for a long time, it should be one that I like. That feels good on my finger.
ReplyDeleteAs for the price.... so I fully admit I used to (and still sometimes do) judge rings, like when they're really small. Even though I KNOW perfectly well some people don't care about the ring size and would rather spend the money on practical matters. It's very illogical.
The point is, people will judge if it's too small, too big, too shiny, not shiny enough. Get the ring that makes you happy! A friend who got engaged last year decided to get an antique ring and put an emerald in it, because she dislikes diamonds. No one can tell it's an engagement ring, but it's hers and she loves it.
Ring talk **IS** exciting! It makes me happy even knowing that it will probably be several months before the talk turns into action. :)
DeleteNothing wrong with strong feelings! I actually have loved all the different opinions and experiences people have shared on this post. It's so interesting. It is nice to have my weird concerns validated by some, but it's also nice to have others be so plaintive about the fact that ultimately other people's opinions don't matter so long as I'm happy with what I have.
You're right, though - people WILL judge. Maybe not people I know or care about, maybe some folks I know will do so silently. I have no idea. But I know that for my friends that have gone the smaller or less traditional route, either out of preference or financial necessity, I've always just felt happy that they got what they wanted, even if it isn't what I would have wanted.
In the end, I did find a handful of rings that I LOVE that are very reasonably priced, very pretty and so much my style. I gave the info to J and she has filed it away for whenever this comes up. They'll either be taken as specific suggestions or a general idea of what I like, and either way will be fine. :)
Now it's time to try to STOP thinking about all of this and get back to just being happy in my relationship as it is. My time will come! :)
Thinking about rings is very exciting stuff! I hadn't ever considered the practical worries that come along with it, though. He's lucky you're so considerate of the price. One of my ridiculous friends has said for years that she wants the price of her ring to be in the low five figures at least...*eyeroll* (Her love language is definitely gifts!)
ReplyDeleteOh wow, yeah...I can't imagine setting a price point like that. To each their own, but I think one of the benefits of being an older soul considering things like this is that I know I'd much rather allocate money like that towards a house or something more practical. :) Maybe not as glamorous, but I'm ok with that!
Delete