There's not enough time.
Lately that's a constant refrain tumbling through my mind. I don't have enough time to run the errands I need to run, to read the books I want to read, to write the things I want to write, to spend time with my friends, to spend time with my boyfriend, to work out with my trainer, to go to the gym alone, to clean my apartment, to do my laundry, to see a movie on my own, to spend an hour laying uselessly on my living room floor doing nothing.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life and all the obligations we have as adults. Often times I feel hugely put out by the fact that even if I'm comfortable in bed watching TV, I'm supposed to get up and wash my face and brush my teeth and floss and moisturize and take vitamins and shave and put on eye cream and hand lotion and turn everything off in the apartment and clean up the messes from my cat's food.
I truly do not know how people with kids do it. I am completely overwhelmed at times with the prospect of taking care of myself and my cat. I sometimes just want to hide under my covers and shirk all responsibility. Sometimes I don't floss before bed, or even brush. More often than not I say screw it to eye cream and general moisturizing. I remember to take my birth control pill every evening, isn't that enough?
My schedule feels too stuck. Mondays are my only theoretical "free" night. Tuesdays and Thursdays are trainer, right smack in the middle of the evening. I get home about 6:15-6:30, have to leave for gym about 7:45, get home about 9:45. Those nights are mostly a wash. If I'm lucky I get to pit stop by a grocery store to pick up a couple items to eat. Wednesday is my week night time with BF, and Friday-Sunday is mostly spent out at his house, which is an hour away from my everything. I sometimes keep Fridays to myself, but only sometimes.
Last night I had dinner plans. Luckily for me, my stupid office didn't close for the holiday, so I got a ride home with my gf and got home an hour earlier than usual. I took advantage and got three errands done before dinner, and still got home after 10pm. I was supposed to go to the gym, but I didn't. I was tired, it was a long day, and my cat had legit been alone since 7:30 that morning basically. I just wanted to lay down and watch some DVR before bed, so I did. But I felt guilty. And then I felt petulant, and I didn't wash my face and I didn't brush my teeth or floss, and nothing was moisturized and no vitamins were taken.
There's not enough time. Everything is too scheduled. Once a month my "free" monday is reserved for acupuncture, and beyond that, it's really the only "guaranteed" free time I have to do mid-week get togethers with girlfriends.
I have a hair appt. scheduled for tomorrow. Originally it was supposed to be for highlights, lowlights and a cut. Today I had to pare it down to just a cut, and I'm pissed. I wanted the whole experience at once. I wanted the wow factor. But I don't have time for 3+ hours at the salon during the work day, and I'll be damned if I can find time to do it during the week nights. Right now my best guess is Monday for the color because they said it would take two hours, and I can't do that on Thursday because of trainer and I just want to scream.
I asked for Friday afternoon off from 12pm and on for a Dr. appt. at 2 in Alexandria. I got MASSIVE amounts of grief about it from my supervisor, and if I didn't need to do the appt. I would have just conceded to make it stop. I have 100+ sick hours that I will lose at the end of the year if not used. I have vacation days. But even when I request things off in advance, I get shit about it. I get guilted and manipulated and it's shitty.
It makes me want to call in sick one day and just do whatever the hell I want. Telling the truth does me no favors. Every year I get a tiny ding on my performance review about my attendance even though I call in sick maybe once or twice a year and everything else is scheduled well in advance.
I'm considering going to one session a week with trainer just to get another day available. But I know I need the workout, and I'm not sure I can be trusted to do it on my own at this point. Sometimes I think I need to get up and do workouts in the morning to get it off my list, but HELL, I hate morning workouts. So much. I'm torn. I just HATE having almost no flexibility in my schedule EVERY WEEK.
All of this makes me really daydream for the possible day in the future when BF and I can live together and time isn't such a precious, hard to come by commodity. Even if he just lived closer it would be so much easier, but he doesn't, and so it's not. It doesn't fix everything, but at least it would fix something.
This post is primarily a vent. I'm just feeling really frustrated right now, and damn, I really needed that full salon experience tomorrow.
Did I mention its supposed to be a downpour of rain tomorrow on the day of my haircut and subsequent blowout? Figures.
I need a life re-boot. I have GOT to figure out a way to make this feel better for my own mental well being. Is the solution in more scheduling? Do I need to train myself to do morning workouts and cut down to one evening trainer session a week? Maybe I do need input. Help me fix my chaotic mess of a life!
Signed,
A crazy version of Bluemoon
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I think you should try morning workouts, and when I say try, I mean give it a good 2 weeks to see how you really feel about it. Your evening would be freed up, although you will start going to bed earlier, but that's a good thing. More sleep for you = less tired.
ReplyDeleteAlso, use your sick time, if you don't get paid out on it, you are losing. Your manager shouldn't be allowed to mark you down for using your vacation or sick time, its part of your benefits, and if he continues to do it, I would go to HR. In fact, I would go to HR now and ask them if that is something that you could be marked down for, then file a complaint. Or ask your other coworkers if it has affected him. I think if you get your work done and are not slacking it off to others, then there should be no problem.
I wish my manager would try some shit like that on me, ooooh god, I would be in HR's office so fucking fast. I look forward to that day.
Are you spending every weekend at BF's house? Does he come to yours?
I want to try morning workouts in theory, but god, every fiber of my being is screaming NOOOOO. I am SO not a morning person, and the morning workouts I've done before on rare occasions felt like disasters, as I know I did not work out as hard b/c my body just wasn't ready yet! For some stupid reason, going to bed earlier feels like defeat. Isn't that weird? I am and always have been a night person!
DeleteThe work situation is maddening. I've yet to decide what I'm going to do about it for sure, though I do believe at the very least I'll be bringing it up directly with supervisor during my performance review. If that doesn't resolve anything I may consider going to HR. It drives me nuts how my supervisor can be such a bitch about tiny things like this that she has no right to be mad about, and then she acts like my BFF when I get back from this time off, wanting to know how I am, how my trips were, etc. PICK A SIDE!
Going to do a follow up post to address the situation with BF.
Aww no need to apologize for venting. My entire last post was a vent and even though I'm sure no one benefitted from it other than me I felt better writing about it.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about morning workouts. I've never been able to do them either but they take pretty much every evening out of rotation then. How long do you get for lunch? Do they have an on site gym/shower you could use?
Do you and the BF switch whose house you're going to in weekends? When I was dating long distance we would travel to each others house almost every weekend, which were in different states! So that was rough but it did make it easier that we'd take turns.
Dislike that your work is a complete b*tch about taking time off. That's not cool :(
Sometimes just the venting in itself can be hugely therapeutic! They're our blogs, we can do what we want, right? :-D
DeleteThe workout thing is just a challenge. I am 100% NOT a morning person at all. The times I have worked out in the morning I don't feel like I get as good of a workout because I'm tired and still waking up.
I get an hour for lunch, but the gym in my building is HOT. Really I can't get more than a 30 minute workout in if I want to have time to change beforehand and time to get cleaned up and changed again after. Not ideal!
Will post a follow up about the situation with BF since many asked!
I'm so impressed by your time management skills and your busy life! I wish I had your dedication - I sadly haven't cleaned my house for about a week, so it reminds me that I need to start behaving more like an adult. I think you're being very rational, so it doesn't sound like a vent at all - if anything, it's given me a wake-up call (despite me sitting here, still in my pjs!)
ReplyDeleteAre you going to try morning work-outs? I think like Danielle says, it might be good for you, if it agrees with you. That way it frees up more time, and you can relax a little more in the evenings.
I have always found that my energy levels are optimum in late afternoons/evenings, so that's when I work/study and work-out, although I find that by the time it's 11pm, I'm so tired, that I may read a few pages of a book and fall asleep straight away! In the mornings, I can barely function, let alone go to the gym!
I hope your salon appointment helps you relax and you can get that "new hair" feeling. If the weather is bad, maybe take a hat/scarf to protect it when the salon?
Aww, thanks! I'm glad I don't sound like the total spaz I feel like sometimes. ;-)
DeleteI may try morning workouts, but I'm not enthusiastic. I am REALLY not an early morning person, and historically the rare morning workouts I've done have not been as good because I'm just too tired. My brain and body just work better in the evening hours! I do love the idea of having my workout done first thing in the morning, though----I can't even imagine how good that would feel!
Salon was fabulous. I really lucked out and the rain, lightning and thunder held out until less than five minutes after I got back to work from my appt! Crazy good timing. :-)