Thursday, October 16, 2014

Follow Up, Buttercup!

To quickly summarize the weekend situation with BF:

* His daughter:  BF has her every weekend as a general rule.  It alternates between a full weekend and a half weekend.  That necessitates him being at home for those times.
* Space:  My apt. is a 1BR, 1BA 600 square foot space.  The kitchen is tiny, the bathroom is tiny, I have no outdoor space of my own.  He has a three story townhouse with a deck, a yard, a grill, 3BR, 2 Full BA, 2 1/2 BA and a big kitchen where we can all cook together, which we often do.

BF spends Wednesday nights at my house.  We're stuck on Wednesdays right now since Tues/Thurs are trainer nights, and also, it's the best way to break up a week of not seeing each other.  During the week my place makes sense because he works closer to my house than his own.

On rare occasions, BF doesn't have J at all.  In the past, we have spent a random Friday night at my place in those instances, but it's not super common and usually only occurs if we have specific plans in my area that night.

Friday nights are generally my flexible night.  I do occasionally choose to stay in my area on Fridays so that I can do happy hours, dinner/movies, or other activities with friends, without BF.  I've also done it on occasion when I just wanted a night to myself.  Other times I pack up my stuff and head to BF's Friday after work; it really just depends.  Lately I've done more Fridays out there just because he didn't have J at all or until Saturday after last minute plan changes by J, and wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would get.

As a result of the custody arrangement, we will never by default get to stay a weekend at my place, and honestly, unless something noteworthy was going on, I probably wouldn't want to stay the full weekend there!  His place is bigger, nicer and has more amenities, and I really do feel like it's my weekend getaway.  :-)  I think I just need to make an effort, on those rare fully J-free weekends, to suggest a Friday night at my house.  It gives me more of a chance for us to be social with my friends or to be in closer proximity to a better variety of activities.  For the record, BF has also said that if my schedule during the week were more free, he'd be available to come out more often.  Right now it's just not workable.

Anyway, I hope that clarifies a little.  The main point is that in general, I don't mind doing weekends at his place because for the three of us, it works better, and even for the two of us, I do feel like it's the overall winner.  I think I just need to know that the option is there to stay there when it works out, and that is something BF has never argued.  I just rarely suggest it!  I always feel like the hassle of me driving out there every weekend is balanced out by the fact that he cooks most of the meals while I'm out there, lets me do laundry for free as opposed to the tiny pay W/D in my building, and I get to reap the benefits of his nicer, bigger, more comfortable home that in many ways, is starting to feel like a second home to me.

I must note that this week we're doing something brand new, most likely.  We have plans to go to Kings Dominion Haunt that evening, which is about an hour and a half away from my place.  We're meeting at my apartment Friday late afternoon and picking up my gf, A before we head out.  Since the event doesn't start until 7pm (we're leaving early just because of traffic going that way), we probably won't be back to my place until midnight at least.  We have a contingency plan, which I feel is the 90% likely plan, to spend the night at my house.  J has already advised she's fine sleeping on the couch, as it will probably be too late and we'll be too tired to drive another hour back to BF's house.  So this is a unicorn moment when my little apartment will be base camp because of it's convenience.  :-)


  1. I like that its a weekend retreat for you, and I think you mentioned before that you bring your cat there with you as well, which is awesome! However, for me, I know I would feel stressed out sometimes just not being home. Even if his home is a home away from home. There are always imaginary chores I think I have to do when I am not home, but I'm a little crazy. It would also be hard to be cramped up in your apartment, I'm sure mine is just as small (if not smaller) than yours, and having 2 adults in my place can get annoying. Penelope and I take up enough space as it is!

    1. Yes, we have cat parties every weekend, LOL. Riley hates the car ride, but loves BF's house and now the two cats have started playing, which I LOVE. They both lost cat siblings in the last six months, so having the company is good for them!

      Yeah, the chores thing is something I need to manage better during the week so I don't feel like I'm falling behind on the weekend. It's usually not too bad, but on occasion it weighs on me!

      We definitely couldn't spend a ton of time at my place, there's just no room. I love being able to spread out and move from room to room in his place. :-)