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Monday, September 21, 2015

Awkward

There's nothing quite like waking up on a Sunday morning to an email from the wife of your ex-boyfriend.  I got that distinct pleasure yesterday and the ex-boyfriend in question is Angry Ex.  As a refresher, we dated for just shy of two years from 2009-2011.  He has periodically reached out to me over the years in spite of the fact that he started dating someone three months after we broke up and has since gotten married and had a child.

I last heard from Angry Ex a few months back.  He reached out via LinkedIn since I had him blocked on G-Chat.  Because I am ever the moron trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, I eventually responded to his message in spite of my hesitation.  We spoke via G-chat one day for about half an hour and I was actually pleasantly surprised at first.  We were catching up like normal, functional people with no off the charts weirdness.  He told me he'd moved to Florida, had a son and was running his own business, which he'd always wanted to do.

He sent me pics of his kid, him with his kid and then pics of his house and his beach view.  That was eyeroll-worthy, but he'd always been obsessed with overcoming his meager beginnings, so I wasn't too surprised.  He also told me that he'd been sick, but refused to give me details.  It came up in the context of how he'd overhauled his eating habits and was now gluten-free, etc., etc.  He attributed his "remission" to this dietary change exclusively, which I found questionable.  I think I was generally annoyed that he was doing the equivalent of vaguebooking via chat by implying illness, but refusing to offer details.  We ended up sparring a bit over the subject of the diet changes being the end all be all treatment and cure for things, and he immediately fell back into the role I knew so well from him...the all knowing asshole.

At that point my annoyance was mounting quickly, and I made some comment about how it was so obvious how different we were and why we hadn't worked out in retrospect.  I only meant it to be about 25% passive aggressive snotty LOL, but he took it as full on snotty.  I tried to explain that I was just happy we'd both found people who were better suited for us and he took that opportunity to say something that basically boiled down to him having found someone intelligent, as compared to me.

I blocked him.  I remembered AGAIN why this man was so toxic and immediately decided it wasn't worth sinking to his level again.  He's always going to be meaner, he'll always go for the jugular in a fight, and I will always come out feeling worse than him.  It wasn't worth it.  After a few days the dull ache of disappointment in myself for falling for it and opening that window again, however briefly, went away and I forgot about it.

Until yesterday.  For your reading enjoyment:

This is Angry Ex's wife. Thank you for being so respectful to my lying husband. I would appreciate it if you stopped communicating with him, although I do understand he is the one initiating it. 

I also appreciate him sharing all our details with you. Oh and btw, I have the disease, not him. Not sure what type of sympathy vote he's trying to get on that one. It's interesting to hear that we are having so much marital trouble (especially when I was pregnant). I'll have to discuss that with him. This is like reading his diary. 

Not trying to be dramatic, just a little shocked by this. Have a wonderful life.

So yeah.  That happened.  I was pretty shocked.  I was heartened to see that she at least recognized that he was the one who reached out to me, but I still felt a pang of guilt for a moment.  Then I realized that I had nothing to feel bad about.  All I've done for YEARS when he's contacted me is a) stupidly give him a chance to be normal and b) tried to keep him in line, remind him of his marriage, remind him of my relationship status and point out how wholly incompatible we were.  I didn't even get into most of that this time around because it was such a limited interaction, but I do know without a doubt that I didn't behave inappropriately at all.

My biggest takeaway from this is disgust with him.  I feel bad for this woman and have since the first time he hit on me while he was still with her.  Furthermore, he implied in past convos that he's cheated on her, he constantly told me how she was needy, insecure, that he wanted to leave her, that they were going to divorce, etc.  I do wonder if she delved further back into his email or if he'd deleted all of that and just left this because for once he hadn't hit on me in the messages.  

However....I'm appalled that he apparently lied about this illness.  Whatever it is, he doesn't even have it, she does.  That's truly appalling to claim someone else's illness for sympathy or whatever he was doing.  This woman has been tied to him for several years now and is locked in a marriage and forever bonded to him by that child.  I truly feel sorry for her.

Anyway, I obviously didn't respond.  She sent the email from his email address, but even if she'd sent it from her own I think I would be staying out of it.  I want no part in this marital drama, and I will gladly oblige her request to stop communicating with him.  In fact, I did that already since this interaction she's referencing was months ago.

Sometimes it's good to be reminded of what a huge bullet you've dodged.  Crossing fingers I receive no additional contact from either of them about this in the future!

14 comments:

  1. OMG that's terrible. As sorry as we feel for her, she really has no business lashing out at you because you didn't initiate or do anything wrong. She's trying to control him by controlling you instead.

    I think you are doing the right thing by not responding. All that crazy belongs in Florida.

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    1. You're right about her reaching out to me, bit I guess I understand her impulse. It was sent at six am on a Sunday, so I'm imagining it was an instinctual response. Who knows!

      Yeah, I definitely think staying out of it is the way to go. Not my business and I don't want the drama!

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    2. You're right about her reaching out to me, bit I guess I understand her impulse. It was sent at six am on a Sunday, so I'm imagining it was an instinctual response. Who knows!

      Yeah, I definitely think staying out of it is the way to go. Not my business and I don't want the drama!

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  2. I feel sorry for her too. She is obviously in a relationship with a loon!!!! Glad you are out of that one. I wouldn't respond at all. Hope you had a god weekend besides that!

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    1. So late responding to these! Agreed that I'm so much better off away from all that crazy.

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  3. Maybe in a way they are suited for each other. She's getting into your business for no reason - you really did nothing wrong. I didn't realize before that Angry Ex has been hitting on you though! Talk about awkward. It's definitely great that you all live no where near each other.

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    1. Yeah, he popped up periodically like a bad penny. :-/ So glad he's far away (assuming that's the truth!).

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  4. I have those exes that periodically like to reach out from time to time. As tempting as it is to reply, I've learnt to ignore it now. I read a piece of advice on a blog, something along the lines of: "take it as the ego-boost that it is but sometimes unfinished business is best left unfinished".

    As for the wife, it's kind of sad that she's trying to control her husband by controlling how people react to him. At least she acknowledged that it was him initiating the contact.

    - Lubna
    www.thedigitalreview.co.uk/

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    1. Totally agree about ignoring! I know nothing good will come of it. Hopefully they just keep to themselves from now on.

      Yes, I'm glad the wife acknowledged it was him initiating it. That was one good thing in that mess. They can keep their marital drama to themselves now! So bizarre.

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  5. That email is just weird, somewhat passive aggressive, but it also seems like she is curious. Also, she obviously has suspicions about him if she is going through his email. I don't like talking to ex's because you always get reminded on why you stopped talking to them!

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    1. Oh yeah, I'm sure she had her suspicions, and rightfully so. I'm probably the most innocuous thing she found.

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  6. Holy drama king! First off, I'm like you in that I give people the benefit of the doubt and can't resist responding to someone politely - but without engaging too much - no matter whom. Second, I also feel sorry for his wife. You know your relationship is in trouble when you're snooping on your husband's correspondence.... oh, and that he's a liar. You def dodged a bullet there!

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    1. Yeah, I really should learn with some people..Angry Ex in particular. I don't know how I can block out how diabolical he really is. Hopefully this time will seal that knowledge in!

      He's such a crazy, pathological liar. I feel safer with him out of my universe!

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  7. Ahh! I'm just reading this now since I was on vacation but OMG! I feel really sorry for that woman. And you could not have said it any better - thank god you dodged that bullet!

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