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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Redo

I've come in here to start a post probably half a dozen times in the last week or so, but I end up just staring at the screen and then calling it a day.

I lost one of my cats a week ago this past Monday.  I found out he was really sick on that Saturday and spent the rest of the weekend spending time with him.  I let him go on Monday morning, and it was ridiculously difficult and horribly sad.  Still is.

I don't have kids.  I don't expect I will have kids.  Say what you will, but my animals have been the closest thing I've had to kids, and they mean the world to me.  I had them all since they were babies, and they survived many moves, a marriage and divorce and other relationships.  They've all made me laugh so often, but also been there when I cried.  They were my little family.

My little family is reduced down to one cat now.  It's a lot more lonely around my apartment with just the two of us.  There's definitely a void without my big, orange, cuddly tabby around anymore.

It was an incredibly stressful few days.  BF and I got into a fight because of the heightened emotions, and it was just one more thing to deal with.  We sorted it out pretty quickly Monday night, but  it took a few days to feel OK in the relationship again.  Everything started because I still SUCK at letting people in when things are hard.  I don't know how to accept help very well, and it made things challenging.  I'm glad we worked through it, but it was intensely stressful nonetheless.

I really cannot wait for my vacation.  I desperately need to check out of the real world for a week and just have time to myself.  I'm hoping for good weather, and I look forward to beach time, hot tub time, grilling, mini golf, reading and talking and relaxing on the deck and just spending time together when it's only about us, away from work and pets and kids.  I personally really need it and cannot wait.  Two weeks from Friday at 5 pm marks the beginning of my ten days of freedom!

Week has been all right, though it's moving really slowly.  Had trainer last night, and tonight BF is coming over.  I'm going to get him out of my apartment for the evening so we can get a quick dinner somewhere and then play some miniature golf.  It's supposed to be a really nice day outside, so I thought it would be a good time to spend some of our evening outside.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see either "What If" or "Boyhood" with a couple of girlfriends.  Really want to see both, so I'm not sure how we'll decide.  Maybe based on times.

Friday I am finally (and begrudgingly) getting moved from my current office to another office on a different (less fun) floor.  Better office space, just crappy location.  Such is life!  At least it's still an office with a door. Late that morning I have a hair appt. (Yay!) and in the afternoon our CFO is having a twee little "welcome" get together for me joining the rest of my dept. on this new floor with some sort of sweets to make the afternoon brighter.

That night I'll head to BF's house for the evening.  I'm sure we'll just relax.  Saturday late morning we'll return to my apt., where I'll get ready for a wedding we're going to.  It's about an hour drive away, and another gf is going with us, so it's going to consume the bulk of the day between getting ready, the drive and the actual wedding and reception.  We're spending the night at my place after, and I suspect BF will leave by noon Sunday to get home in time for his NASCAR race LOL.  I plan to spend my day at the gym, cleaning up my apartment and maybe hanging out with a gf in the evening.  Good weekend ahead, I think.

I'm glad there are good things coming up on the horizon.  I'm looking forward to tonight with BF, and tomorrow with my gfs, and the whole weekend of fun.  Anything after that is just inching me closer to my vacation, and the time when I can start planning and prepping for that with my usual packing lists and such.  I definitely need all of this, as it's been a tough couple of weeks.

Anyway, meeting a girlfriend for lunch today shortly, which is good because I'm super hungry!  Nothing fancy, just a quick Potbelly lunch where I'm going to try out one of their new flatbread sandwiches.  Fairly healthy as far as lunches out and about go, except for the INSANE SODIUM.  :-o  I will be drinking LOTS O WATER today to flush that nonsense out.

I've managed to lose almost 6 pounds since buckling down with trainer again, and have been making good strides in slowly modifying my diet: making  better choices, tracking food and just being really aware of what I'm eating.  It's way too easy to just eat like total hell when you aren't thinking about it.

Feels like thursday today.  Wish it were, aside from the date night with BF tonight...  :-) Can't wait to see him and hug him.



18 comments:

  1. Aw that sucks about your cat! So sorry! Penelope is my cat kid, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I know there are those die hard mama's that like to point out that fur babies are not real babies... but perhaps they should keep their self righteous opinion to themselves.

    Yeah, I'm not good at letting people in at all either, so I can see how that could cause some tension. Although, I've not had any relationship worth letting anyone in so who knows. Glad everything is smoothed over and a vacation is in view. I'm having serious vacation jealously right now. Like half of my coworkers and my boss have been taking vacations since the end of July. I have to wait till October. Boo.

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    1. Yeah, regardless of what others say, these animals are totally my kids. They have been my happiness and comfort and home during the hardest times of my life, and made me laugh so, so much!

      Where's your October vacation? Is that going back to see the family?

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  2. Oh man I am so so sorry to hear this. I have 2 cats who mean the world to me. And every time one of them has a health scare I fall apart. Totally understand feeling like they are your children Bc they are! I'm so sorry again for your loss.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your cat! Sending a big virtual hug! At least, he's not in pain, I guess that's the only thing we can reassure ourselves with... Besides, I think you can bond with pets, more so than with people, because at least they're there for us, when we need them.

    Hope you have a great vacation! You really deserve it!

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    1. Yes, I am glad I was given the chance to let him go before he got so much sicker, as he would have if I'd let him linger. You're right, pets are amazing, as they are truly there for us all the time with totally unconditional love.

      Cannot WAIT for my vacation...

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  4. So sorry about your kitty. Pets are most definitely part of the family and their loss is palpable. I'm glad you have good things like vacation and a date with BF to look forward to.

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    1. Thank you! I miss him every day, but I know I made the right choice. Definitely looking forward to the vacation as a way to recharge.

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  5. I just read this...I just wrote a very similar post about my cat. I just lost her this week, after having her for 15 years. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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    1. It's so hard, isn't it? I miss him every day. Sometimes I still come home expecting to see him in his spot, or to jump up on the bed to sleep next to me. :-(

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    2. Also, I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  6. I'm so sorry. We lost one of our (two) cats to cancer two months ago, and our household still feels the void. I remained wary of letting anyone beyond close friends know how much it hurt, because for the first couple of weeks or so I just couldn't handle hearing an otherwise-well-meaning tossoff comment like "well, but it was just a cat." In the bigger picture, yes, but to us, they're family.

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    1. "Just a cat/dog/anything" makes me so angry. And for some reason people feel even more okay saying that about cats than dogs. I've loved and lost both and it is just as difficult with each. They are definitely family!

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  7. :( Oh no. I am so sorry. Please lean on BF. I know it's hard. I KNOW. But lean on him. Oh J, I am so sorry. {{HUGS}}

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  8. I'm sorry to hear about your cat. I hope you're feeling better and that you're recalling all the positive memories :)

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  9. I'm so sorry about your baby! It sounds like he was a good companion and I'm sure he provided you a lot of comfort and joy throughout a lot of ups and downs :-)

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