I just got a message from a Bail Bondsman who cage fights in his spare time. HUH?
Furthermore, he's separated and doesn't watch any sports except for MMA. We are not soulmates.
Also? His muscles scare me.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Check your ego at the door there, cowboy
They always come back. And by the time they do, I really want them even less than before. Case in point:
This guy messaged me this morning. Relevant information: our last contact was in the second week of July. Prior to that our last contact was FALL 2011.
So he sends me this bitchy little message that read: "I thought dating wasn't your thing now. I see that at least you know how to be honest."
Um, seriously? Get over yourself. There is nothing I love more on a friday morning than a self-righteous, baselessly judgmental message from a big boy with a huge ego and probably a tiny tool in his pants. Was I truly this awesome that I continue to haunt him? I didn't realize how much I mattered! It's not creepy. At all. :-/ ;-)
I debated about the nature of my response, or if I should even respond at all. I did:
Hello to you, too!
Here's some friday honesty for you:
Not that I owe anyone an explanation for anything I do, but I've had this profile up for eons. My dating interests ebb and flow from week to week, so when I told you it wasn't my thing, it wasn't. The profile remained up because I don't care enough to take it down, and I simply ignore it when I'm not into it. I was overloaded with work at the time and that's all I focused on for a couple of months.
I also was turned off that you blew me off the first time around, and then circled back around after some time on the online dating merry go round. I'm not interested in being a backup plan or a second choice once you've seen what else is out there.
I hold no ill will towards you, I just think that any window we may have had was missed the first time around, and when you messaged me again months later, I was hesitant about talking to you again. My heart wasn't in it. Couple that with being overloaded at work, I just chose not to pursue things any further, with you or with anyone at that time.
Your parting words about it being my loss didn't really impress me either. That sounded like sour grapes, and I'm not one who is looking to spar with a big ego.
I wish you lots of luck on this site, and I hope you find someone that is a good fit for you, either here or somewhere else.
Take care!
I've not gotten a response yet, but I expect something snarky and possibly spiteful. This man's ego is ridiculous, and why he can't just let it go and move on is beyond me. We went out on ONE DATE. He blew me off after that date. He finds me again several months later, and acts as if I'm supposed to be so grateful that someone so wonderous has alighted upon my barren romantic life again. Guy is good looking on the surface, sure. But I'm beginning to see that inside he's a very unnattractive person. Confidence is one thing, but an overblown ego is another entirely.
I was much nicer in my response to him than I initially wanted to be. He really merited something quite bitchy, or to just be ignored entirely, but I took the path I did and I'm okay with it. I said my piece, and I was honest.
Don't judge me, little man. Open up your eyes and realize that your behavior carries weight, your actions have consequences, and a pretty smile and nice muscles will not erase the fact that you are a true jackass, at least not for this girl!
This guy messaged me this morning. Relevant information: our last contact was in the second week of July. Prior to that our last contact was FALL 2011.
So he sends me this bitchy little message that read: "I thought dating wasn't your thing now. I see that at least you know how to be honest."
Um, seriously? Get over yourself. There is nothing I love more on a friday morning than a self-righteous, baselessly judgmental message from a big boy with a huge ego and probably a tiny tool in his pants. Was I truly this awesome that I continue to haunt him? I didn't realize how much I mattered! It's not creepy. At all. :-/ ;-)
I debated about the nature of my response, or if I should even respond at all. I did:
Hello to you, too!
Here's some friday honesty for you:
Not that I owe anyone an explanation for anything I do, but I've had this profile up for eons. My dating interests ebb and flow from week to week, so when I told you it wasn't my thing, it wasn't. The profile remained up because I don't care enough to take it down, and I simply ignore it when I'm not into it. I was overloaded with work at the time and that's all I focused on for a couple of months.
I also was turned off that you blew me off the first time around, and then circled back around after some time on the online dating merry go round. I'm not interested in being a backup plan or a second choice once you've seen what else is out there.
I hold no ill will towards you, I just think that any window we may have had was missed the first time around, and when you messaged me again months later, I was hesitant about talking to you again. My heart wasn't in it. Couple that with being overloaded at work, I just chose not to pursue things any further, with you or with anyone at that time.
Your parting words about it being my loss didn't really impress me either. That sounded like sour grapes, and I'm not one who is looking to spar with a big ego.
I wish you lots of luck on this site, and I hope you find someone that is a good fit for you, either here or somewhere else.
Take care!
I've not gotten a response yet, but I expect something snarky and possibly spiteful. This man's ego is ridiculous, and why he can't just let it go and move on is beyond me. We went out on ONE DATE. He blew me off after that date. He finds me again several months later, and acts as if I'm supposed to be so grateful that someone so wonderous has alighted upon my barren romantic life again. Guy is good looking on the surface, sure. But I'm beginning to see that inside he's a very unnattractive person. Confidence is one thing, but an overblown ego is another entirely.
I was much nicer in my response to him than I initially wanted to be. He really merited something quite bitchy, or to just be ignored entirely, but I took the path I did and I'm okay with it. I said my piece, and I was honest.
Don't judge me, little man. Open up your eyes and realize that your behavior carries weight, your actions have consequences, and a pretty smile and nice muscles will not erase the fact that you are a true jackass, at least not for this girl!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Couch = Perfect Man
So like I said earlier, I have a date tonight. I have to tell you, I'm tired just thinking about it. My trainer worked me really hard last night, then I went out for a few hours after and got more worn out. Today at work we had our monthly all personnel lunch, and I ate more than I usually do for lunch. I'm dragging here. Also, my abs hurt like whoa. Evil crunches with resistance bands and other assorted torture items. My legs are sore, too. Squats are the devil.
I've been toiling and debating about how to arrange tonight, all the while smacking myself for agreeing to go out on a date when I'd really just like a date with my couch and my DVR. I need to get a workout in, but our scheduled meetup time is around 8.
a) I could go to the gym first, but come on...my hair looks really cute today, and going to the gym would require hurrying home for a quick shower I won't even enjoy, all to rush back out not looking as cute as I do now. ;-)
b) Alternately, I could go after the date, but that may put me at the gym around 10:30. I've done it before, but it's not the most desirable timing, especially when I'm already so tired.
c) I could just go on a long walk outside pre-date, and count that as my workout for the night. Skip taking friday night off and do my full workout then. Go after the date to the gym if I suddenly get an extra burst of energy.
d) Shut up about all of it because talking this much about how to fit a workout in around a date is annoying. ;-)
I WANT TO DATE MY COUCH. He wears a nice coat, in the form of a lovely, soft blanket. He cuddles and spoons with me and doesn't talk too much. He likes my cats. He is perfectly located (in my living room, in front of the TV, with a remote for DVR control nearby). He won't tell me to change my hair, ditch my hoodie, or ask me to leave the house if I don't want to.
I wonder if I am too tired to be my sparkly self. I need an energy boost! Evil, heavy lunch. I think my body has shifted so that when I eat the indulgent things, or even just the slightly LESS healthy things, I feel weighted down from it. Weirdness.
That is all. Except for this: sparkle, sparkle.
I've been toiling and debating about how to arrange tonight, all the while smacking myself for agreeing to go out on a date when I'd really just like a date with my couch and my DVR. I need to get a workout in, but our scheduled meetup time is around 8.
a) I could go to the gym first, but come on...my hair looks really cute today, and going to the gym would require hurrying home for a quick shower I won't even enjoy, all to rush back out not looking as cute as I do now. ;-)
b) Alternately, I could go after the date, but that may put me at the gym around 10:30. I've done it before, but it's not the most desirable timing, especially when I'm already so tired.
c) I could just go on a long walk outside pre-date, and count that as my workout for the night. Skip taking friday night off and do my full workout then. Go after the date to the gym if I suddenly get an extra burst of energy.
d) Shut up about all of it because talking this much about how to fit a workout in around a date is annoying. ;-)
I WANT TO DATE MY COUCH. He wears a nice coat, in the form of a lovely, soft blanket. He cuddles and spoons with me and doesn't talk too much. He likes my cats. He is perfectly located (in my living room, in front of the TV, with a remote for DVR control nearby). He won't tell me to change my hair, ditch my hoodie, or ask me to leave the house if I don't want to.
I wonder if I am too tired to be my sparkly self. I need an energy boost! Evil, heavy lunch. I think my body has shifted so that when I eat the indulgent things, or even just the slightly LESS healthy things, I feel weighted down from it. Weirdness.
That is all. Except for this: sparkle, sparkle.
Just Say Yes
I am listening to the new Mumford & Sons album, and as expected, I'm madly in love with it. The music is beautiful, I love the lyrics, and it's just so lovely to have in the background at work, or in the foreground when I get the chance. The only problem with Mumford & Sons is that listening to them tends to make me feel all introspective and thinking-like. Is that actually a problem? Maybe not, so long as I don't OVERthink, which I am often prone to do.
Practical business aside, first. Met with trainer last night, and my abs and arms are sore as proof! He is definitely beginning to ramp up the difficulty of our sessions by modifying some of the existing exercises and adding additional resistance or weight. We did my measurements last night and I lost another half an inch on my waist and half an inch off my bicep. Same thigh measurement, but he again assured me it was no cause for panic, and that things would shift on that front eventually. I trust him, so I'm taking him at his word. My important takeaway from this is that my waist is now 4 inches smaller than it was a month ago, and my bicep is an inch smaller. I'm 3.5 inches away from goal measurement on waist and 1 inch from goal measurement on bicep. Four inches to go on evil thighs, LOL.
ANYWAY. I illogically decided that I should totally overbook myself this week. Monday it was acupuncture and gym. Tuesday trainer and met up with a friend for a couple of hours. Tonight it's gym and then a date. Tomorrow, trainer then a date. What ever am I doing to myself? All of these things require me to run home, shower/change and run back out the door in a quick-like fashion. I suspect I may be staying home friday night to recover, and maybe finally do some laundry!
Tonight's date: Guy seems very sweet and sincere. Not someone who strikes my attraction fancy right off the bat, but you never know. Not unattractive, anyway. Name is disturbingly similar to angry ex, but I can't hold that against him. We're going miniature golfing, so that will either be really fun, or a really bad idea if he's a dud. Those courses can take awhile in nice weather with the crowds! :-/ I was going to suggest just a drink or something to eat, but I felt like being impulsive and gambling. At most it will be an 60-90 minutes of my time, you know?
Tomorrow night's date: Guy seems like a charmer and like he has a good sense of humor. Very good looking. We'd initially talked a few months back, but things fell off the radar before we ever met, and I do believe that was on me. He resurfaced again, so I thought I'd give it a shot. We're just meeting at a local restaurant for a drink.
Neither of them live particularly close, but date #1 is in the area tonight for a retirement party before our meeting, and date #2 works in the area. We shall see if either of them merit the pronouncement of nicknames. ;-) I'm talking to probably 3-4 other people, including one I know definitely wants to go out sometime soon. I've been talking to him for 2-3 weeks now. I guess I'm in one of my phases where I'm just throwing a bunch of things out there and seeing if anything sticks. In other words, I'm just saying yes, at least more often than I had been previously.
I want something real. I want someone who wants me. I want the whole big picture instead of just a tiny framed excerpt, one part of a larger piece. I'm tired of having the leftover pieces.
Practical business aside, first. Met with trainer last night, and my abs and arms are sore as proof! He is definitely beginning to ramp up the difficulty of our sessions by modifying some of the existing exercises and adding additional resistance or weight. We did my measurements last night and I lost another half an inch on my waist and half an inch off my bicep. Same thigh measurement, but he again assured me it was no cause for panic, and that things would shift on that front eventually. I trust him, so I'm taking him at his word. My important takeaway from this is that my waist is now 4 inches smaller than it was a month ago, and my bicep is an inch smaller. I'm 3.5 inches away from goal measurement on waist and 1 inch from goal measurement on bicep. Four inches to go on evil thighs, LOL.
ANYWAY. I illogically decided that I should totally overbook myself this week. Monday it was acupuncture and gym. Tuesday trainer and met up with a friend for a couple of hours. Tonight it's gym and then a date. Tomorrow, trainer then a date. What ever am I doing to myself? All of these things require me to run home, shower/change and run back out the door in a quick-like fashion. I suspect I may be staying home friday night to recover, and maybe finally do some laundry!
Tonight's date: Guy seems very sweet and sincere. Not someone who strikes my attraction fancy right off the bat, but you never know. Not unattractive, anyway. Name is disturbingly similar to angry ex, but I can't hold that against him. We're going miniature golfing, so that will either be really fun, or a really bad idea if he's a dud. Those courses can take awhile in nice weather with the crowds! :-/ I was going to suggest just a drink or something to eat, but I felt like being impulsive and gambling. At most it will be an 60-90 minutes of my time, you know?
Tomorrow night's date: Guy seems like a charmer and like he has a good sense of humor. Very good looking. We'd initially talked a few months back, but things fell off the radar before we ever met, and I do believe that was on me. He resurfaced again, so I thought I'd give it a shot. We're just meeting at a local restaurant for a drink.
Neither of them live particularly close, but date #1 is in the area tonight for a retirement party before our meeting, and date #2 works in the area. We shall see if either of them merit the pronouncement of nicknames. ;-) I'm talking to probably 3-4 other people, including one I know definitely wants to go out sometime soon. I've been talking to him for 2-3 weeks now. I guess I'm in one of my phases where I'm just throwing a bunch of things out there and seeing if anything sticks. In other words, I'm just saying yes, at least more often than I had been previously.
I want something real. I want someone who wants me. I want the whole big picture instead of just a tiny framed excerpt, one part of a larger piece. I'm tired of having the leftover pieces.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Fair Game
The title of this post is derived from the current Essie nail polish I'm sporting. It's a lovely slate blue/gray color that I rather adore. It also refers to the online dating world, where apparently anything is fair game.
Last night I got a message from a man that said "You have a really pretty smile. Why don't you grow your hair out?"
Huh. Seriously, did I just get a suggestion on how to improve my appearance from a total stranger on an online dating site? Why, yes I did!
Of note: My profile even says I have short hair and I like it that way, and no I won't grow it out for you. I did this because a disproportionate number of the men I encounter at some point ask me that, ESPECIALLY if we date for any period of time. Look, I get that many men like longer hair. Hey, I love dark hair and blue eyes on a guy. I also prefer shorter hair on men and am not a fan of most facial hair.
Here's the difference, though: If I'm skating around on a dating website perusing my options, I'm not going to message some guy with longer hair or a beard and say, "Hey, nice smile, but ever considered shaving that beard or cutting that hair?" I may THINK it, I may WISH it, but I've learned that when swimming in the online dating pools, you need to accept people at face value, and not date them with a goal of changing the undesirable traits at a later point.
I did respond to the guy and basically said, "Wow, that's the first time I've ever gotten a suggestion on how to improve my appearance on here. I like my hair short, btw." He wrote back and apologized, saying he wasn't insulting me, and was just curious, but come on now....too late. I just deleted him at that point.
I am what I am, folks. I don't have a supermodel body, and no matter how long or hard I work out with this trainer, I never will, and I'm good with that. :-) I have short hair, and it's full of messy curls, and even if *I* want to grow it out a little, it will never be long hair. It's blonde, but not too blonde, and I have freckles on my cheeks, and even though I forget they're there, they remain. Some days I dress well, some days I dress plain, some days I may even look a bit bedraggled. I don't always wear mascara, and I will never have a perfectly polished look. I'm clumsy and I'm silly and I laugh at dumb things and like goofy things.
And therein ends my essay on online dating for the day. ;-)
On the upside, I'm still talking to a few potentials who HAVEN'T questioned my appearance, though I did just get a message from a guy whose profile picture is a car. WTF, mate? Must think of a clever response to that one!
And finally, today was weigh in day. Down another pound and a half, bringing me to a 4 week total of 5 1/2 pounds lost. :-) Measurements tonight, methinks. Crossing fingers.....
Cheers!
Last night I got a message from a man that said "You have a really pretty smile. Why don't you grow your hair out?"
Huh. Seriously, did I just get a suggestion on how to improve my appearance from a total stranger on an online dating site? Why, yes I did!
Of note: My profile even says I have short hair and I like it that way, and no I won't grow it out for you. I did this because a disproportionate number of the men I encounter at some point ask me that, ESPECIALLY if we date for any period of time. Look, I get that many men like longer hair. Hey, I love dark hair and blue eyes on a guy. I also prefer shorter hair on men and am not a fan of most facial hair.
Here's the difference, though: If I'm skating around on a dating website perusing my options, I'm not going to message some guy with longer hair or a beard and say, "Hey, nice smile, but ever considered shaving that beard or cutting that hair?" I may THINK it, I may WISH it, but I've learned that when swimming in the online dating pools, you need to accept people at face value, and not date them with a goal of changing the undesirable traits at a later point.
I did respond to the guy and basically said, "Wow, that's the first time I've ever gotten a suggestion on how to improve my appearance on here. I like my hair short, btw." He wrote back and apologized, saying he wasn't insulting me, and was just curious, but come on now....too late. I just deleted him at that point.
I am what I am, folks. I don't have a supermodel body, and no matter how long or hard I work out with this trainer, I never will, and I'm good with that. :-) I have short hair, and it's full of messy curls, and even if *I* want to grow it out a little, it will never be long hair. It's blonde, but not too blonde, and I have freckles on my cheeks, and even though I forget they're there, they remain. Some days I dress well, some days I dress plain, some days I may even look a bit bedraggled. I don't always wear mascara, and I will never have a perfectly polished look. I'm clumsy and I'm silly and I laugh at dumb things and like goofy things.
And therein ends my essay on online dating for the day. ;-)
On the upside, I'm still talking to a few potentials who HAVEN'T questioned my appearance, though I did just get a message from a guy whose profile picture is a car. WTF, mate? Must think of a clever response to that one!
And finally, today was weigh in day. Down another pound and a half, bringing me to a 4 week total of 5 1/2 pounds lost. :-) Measurements tonight, methinks. Crossing fingers.....
Cheers!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tumbling into Fall
Happy fall! This is my favorite season by far, and in a handful of days we'll be arriving into my favorite month. Lately our weather in the DC area has been spectacular, with cool mornings and evenings and lovely, sunny days. I am crossing fingers that it continues and we get the pleasure of a real autumn. I need to get down to my storage space and pull out the few seasonal decorations I have. Once October arrives I can go out and get pumpkins, too!
So my weekend was weekend-like. Boot camp on Saturday was incredibly difficult, but I still had fun. We had to do more running, both in laps around the track at a steady pace and sprinting in relay-type events with fellow classmates. He had us doing things that meant our performance affected others, and that was slightly intimidating! I will admit, though, that it is motivating!
The last thing we did for the day was a relay with three teams of three. We had to side shuffle down the width of the football field and back, then sprint the same distance, and then it was the next person's turn. I was the third to go on my team, and I'm proud to say that I managed to perform well enough that my team won! Our first leg we got a bit of a lead, but I pushed through and closed it out strong with my teammates yelling encouragement from the starting line. :-)
Today I had a second co-worker notice my increasingly baggy pants, yay! This week is measurements week again, too. I'm not sure if he'll do that Tuesday or Thursday, but it's coming, plus my own weigh in tomorrow morning. Also will be time for my requisite two week pictures I'm doing for my own personal record. Tomorrow marks 4 weeks I've been doing this. Cheers!
Hmm, what else? I blocked SC on gchat this weekend. I had already decided I was done with him when he messaged me Saturday about the football game between our two teams. He was trash talking right off the bat, and it was pushing my buttons. I tried to be nice, but eventually I decided I no longer needed to walk on eggshells for this silly little boy, so I told him I thought his team was overrated (which I do). He was not pleased, LOL. He got snarkier, and as his team demolished mine (which I fully acknowledged, I'm not blind), he just kept going. He said things like "Oh, this game is so close. I hope I don't lose my bet." I told him that he wasn't a very gracious winner, and he said "Don't trash talk back and I won't gloat." And, BLOCK!
I was tempted to get into a verbal sparring match with him, but he wasn't worth a single minute more of my time, so I blocked him and felt better. What a toxic, petty little person! Dodged a bullet there.
In other maybe dating news, I'm having an unusually good run of conversations on the online dating front lately. I've got a small posse of gentlemen I'm talking to who actually seem possibly like good candidates, which is refreshing. One has already asked me out for this week, I'm currently just deciding if I'm ready to proceed, LOL. Beyond that, it's just nice talking to a few people who seem intelligent, well spoken and with at least a little bit of potential! Sure would be nice to find someone to stay warm with for the cooler fall days. ;-)
Tonight should be a good night, if a bit busy. I have my monthly acupuncture appointment at 7, and then I plan to come home and relax briefly before heading out to the gym to get my workout knocked out. I don't mind going a bit later because it means I can watch the Monday night football game while I'm there, and that can help pass the time quite nicely.
Anyway, enough generic type rambling for now!
So my weekend was weekend-like. Boot camp on Saturday was incredibly difficult, but I still had fun. We had to do more running, both in laps around the track at a steady pace and sprinting in relay-type events with fellow classmates. He had us doing things that meant our performance affected others, and that was slightly intimidating! I will admit, though, that it is motivating!
The last thing we did for the day was a relay with three teams of three. We had to side shuffle down the width of the football field and back, then sprint the same distance, and then it was the next person's turn. I was the third to go on my team, and I'm proud to say that I managed to perform well enough that my team won! Our first leg we got a bit of a lead, but I pushed through and closed it out strong with my teammates yelling encouragement from the starting line. :-)
Today I had a second co-worker notice my increasingly baggy pants, yay! This week is measurements week again, too. I'm not sure if he'll do that Tuesday or Thursday, but it's coming, plus my own weigh in tomorrow morning. Also will be time for my requisite two week pictures I'm doing for my own personal record. Tomorrow marks 4 weeks I've been doing this. Cheers!
Hmm, what else? I blocked SC on gchat this weekend. I had already decided I was done with him when he messaged me Saturday about the football game between our two teams. He was trash talking right off the bat, and it was pushing my buttons. I tried to be nice, but eventually I decided I no longer needed to walk on eggshells for this silly little boy, so I told him I thought his team was overrated (which I do). He was not pleased, LOL. He got snarkier, and as his team demolished mine (which I fully acknowledged, I'm not blind), he just kept going. He said things like "Oh, this game is so close. I hope I don't lose my bet." I told him that he wasn't a very gracious winner, and he said "Don't trash talk back and I won't gloat." And, BLOCK!
I was tempted to get into a verbal sparring match with him, but he wasn't worth a single minute more of my time, so I blocked him and felt better. What a toxic, petty little person! Dodged a bullet there.
In other maybe dating news, I'm having an unusually good run of conversations on the online dating front lately. I've got a small posse of gentlemen I'm talking to who actually seem possibly like good candidates, which is refreshing. One has already asked me out for this week, I'm currently just deciding if I'm ready to proceed, LOL. Beyond that, it's just nice talking to a few people who seem intelligent, well spoken and with at least a little bit of potential! Sure would be nice to find someone to stay warm with for the cooler fall days. ;-)
Tonight should be a good night, if a bit busy. I have my monthly acupuncture appointment at 7, and then I plan to come home and relax briefly before heading out to the gym to get my workout knocked out. I don't mind going a bit later because it means I can watch the Monday night football game while I'm there, and that can help pass the time quite nicely.
Anyway, enough generic type rambling for now!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Unimpressed
Unimpressed, indeed. Yesterday was not an encouraging day in the Bluemoon dating universe!
To clear up the SC issue...my instincts have been going haywire with regards to him since the day after our first date. When I had my meltdown on Saturday before the marathon date, it was triggered by these weird feelings that he reminded me of my evil ex. However, I couldn't tell for sure if it was just my own baggage coming up, or if it actually had to do with SC specifically. He talked me down some over the phone, I went on the date and we had a really good time.
Since then, though, the red flags have been chasing along behind me. First, the sleeping through Monday plans. Not great, but perhaps forgiveable. Bailing on Wednesday because he didn't feel well. Fine, though I wasn't pleased.
We had this IM exchange yesterday that really rubbed me the wrong way, and again personified my issue with him. Over IM and text, he is defensive. Condescending. It almost seems like he wanted to pick a fight. He made some snotty comment to me and I just disengaged. I said "Ok. I have to go to a meeting" and was done. I've not heard from him since, and I don't intend to contact him.
I think on some level my instincts were right. He was great in person, in these beginning times, but there are red flags in his temperment and patience levels, and the condescension....I will NOT do that again. So in spite of a good first date and a great second one, I predict no third date for SC. I feel settled in that decision, and it feels right. Something was off.
Setting that aside, I had another date last night. It had been a long time since I'd shown up for a date, met the person, and immediately felt so fiercely unattracted to them. It was fairly awful. I wanted to just turn and walk out the door, but he recognized me from my picture and I was stuck. I couldn't have actually left, anyway, as I'm not that mean, but the thought/desire crossed my mind! I didn't recognize him at all. Talk about tricky pictures and false advertising.
The meal was polite, but forced. I wanted to be anywhere but at that booth with that person. ANYWHERE. We met at 9 and I was in my car driving home by 9:50, and yet it was still the longest almost hour ever. DATE FAIL.
I got home and just zoned out. I'd wasted two hours on another bad date, I made an effort to look nice, I hurried home after my trainer to shower and get pretty, and all for someone I couldn't be attracted to if you paid me. Sigh.
Speaking of the trainer, my session last night was miserable. He had me outside, altering running laps and jumping rope for the first 40 minutes. We finished out the session inside, doing what seemed to be a succession of the exercises I find to be the most difficult. It was hard as hell. I felt bad for complaining a fair amount, so I texted him afterward to thank him for pushing me when I wanted to say "I can't". I appreciate him and what he's doing for me and with me more than I can imagine, so I wanted to be sure to end on that note last night. I expect more running on Saturday at boot camp because he told me there will be more!
Finally, Artboy. I ignored an IM from him last night. He didn't say anything meaningful or that required a reply, but normally I would have responded. I stared at it long and hard, and I didn't respond. Eventually he went offline and it was done. Why is it that I can know that he has not responded to things I've sent him many, many times in the past, and yet I feel so bad not replying to him? It's not in my nature to ignore an IM or a text, especially from someone I like, and I think the issue is that we both know that.
Whatever. Bottom line is I didn't respond. We'll see if/when he contacts me again, and we'll see what happens then. My goal is not to cut him off entirely, at least not at this point. My goal is to re-define the power dynamic, quit being the easy answer, the fallback plan, the last minute, late night girl. You don't see me unless you take me out and we do something in public like normal people. You don't get to talk to me like I'm a sure thing, and you don't get to be an ass and not suffer any consequences in how we communicate.
I hope friday improves. I'm looking forward to going home tonight, getting to the gym and getting a good workout in, then coming home and maybe watching a movie. This week has been pretty exhausting, and I'm ready for a low key night!
To clear up the SC issue...my instincts have been going haywire with regards to him since the day after our first date. When I had my meltdown on Saturday before the marathon date, it was triggered by these weird feelings that he reminded me of my evil ex. However, I couldn't tell for sure if it was just my own baggage coming up, or if it actually had to do with SC specifically. He talked me down some over the phone, I went on the date and we had a really good time.
Since then, though, the red flags have been chasing along behind me. First, the sleeping through Monday plans. Not great, but perhaps forgiveable. Bailing on Wednesday because he didn't feel well. Fine, though I wasn't pleased.
We had this IM exchange yesterday that really rubbed me the wrong way, and again personified my issue with him. Over IM and text, he is defensive. Condescending. It almost seems like he wanted to pick a fight. He made some snotty comment to me and I just disengaged. I said "Ok. I have to go to a meeting" and was done. I've not heard from him since, and I don't intend to contact him.
I think on some level my instincts were right. He was great in person, in these beginning times, but there are red flags in his temperment and patience levels, and the condescension....I will NOT do that again. So in spite of a good first date and a great second one, I predict no third date for SC. I feel settled in that decision, and it feels right. Something was off.
Setting that aside, I had another date last night. It had been a long time since I'd shown up for a date, met the person, and immediately felt so fiercely unattracted to them. It was fairly awful. I wanted to just turn and walk out the door, but he recognized me from my picture and I was stuck. I couldn't have actually left, anyway, as I'm not that mean, but the thought/desire crossed my mind! I didn't recognize him at all. Talk about tricky pictures and false advertising.
The meal was polite, but forced. I wanted to be anywhere but at that booth with that person. ANYWHERE. We met at 9 and I was in my car driving home by 9:50, and yet it was still the longest almost hour ever. DATE FAIL.
I got home and just zoned out. I'd wasted two hours on another bad date, I made an effort to look nice, I hurried home after my trainer to shower and get pretty, and all for someone I couldn't be attracted to if you paid me. Sigh.
Speaking of the trainer, my session last night was miserable. He had me outside, altering running laps and jumping rope for the first 40 minutes. We finished out the session inside, doing what seemed to be a succession of the exercises I find to be the most difficult. It was hard as hell. I felt bad for complaining a fair amount, so I texted him afterward to thank him for pushing me when I wanted to say "I can't". I appreciate him and what he's doing for me and with me more than I can imagine, so I wanted to be sure to end on that note last night. I expect more running on Saturday at boot camp because he told me there will be more!
Finally, Artboy. I ignored an IM from him last night. He didn't say anything meaningful or that required a reply, but normally I would have responded. I stared at it long and hard, and I didn't respond. Eventually he went offline and it was done. Why is it that I can know that he has not responded to things I've sent him many, many times in the past, and yet I feel so bad not replying to him? It's not in my nature to ignore an IM or a text, especially from someone I like, and I think the issue is that we both know that.
Whatever. Bottom line is I didn't respond. We'll see if/when he contacts me again, and we'll see what happens then. My goal is not to cut him off entirely, at least not at this point. My goal is to re-define the power dynamic, quit being the easy answer, the fallback plan, the last minute, late night girl. You don't see me unless you take me out and we do something in public like normal people. You don't get to talk to me like I'm a sure thing, and you don't get to be an ass and not suffer any consequences in how we communicate.
I hope friday improves. I'm looking forward to going home tonight, getting to the gym and getting a good workout in, then coming home and maybe watching a movie. This week has been pretty exhausting, and I'm ready for a low key night!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday Things
Thursday is almost friday, and for that I am grateful. This week feels as if it has dragged, yet simultaneously gone quickly. How is that for strange?
As mentioned in my post last night, my bowling plans disappeared quite last minute. I was at the gym, being that annoying person texting while on the elliptical, when I found that out, and that meant I could no longer rationalize a shorter workout. I ended up stuck there doing my whole usual thing, which I suppose was good. I went home and watched a bunch of DVR, including the latest Survivor premiere. I enjoy the constancy of that show. :-)
Tonight I meet with my trainer again for our second session of the week. I did my weekly weigh in on Tuesday and I'd lost another pound, totaling at 4 lbs. gone in three weeks. Good start, I suppose! I'm waiting for the inevitable week when I either gain something back or just hold steady. It will happen, and it will be okay!
For now: the pants I'm wearing today used to be so snug (and they were fat pants, no less) that they left a dent in my stomach from wearing them, LOL. Today they are so loose around the waist that I could pull them right off without unbuttoning or unzipping. Time for a belt!
I have a date tonight with a new guy. We're meeting at a local restaurant/bar later on tonight. No idea what to expect, he seems nice enough, so we'll see how it goes! I'm keeping my options option since SC is still on my questionable list. At the very least, I'm excited for the soup at the restaurant.
;-)
You know, for the first couple of weeks of my working out, I basically did very little other than work out and take care of practical things like errands. I didn't do much socially because I was super focused on building a routine.
Now I'm over three weeks in, and in the last week I've been integrating more socializing back in, and it's an interesting balance. It's not only a matter of timing, and working my plans around my training sessions or gym visits or Boot Camp classes, but also balancing out eating wisely and drinking less and everything else. No, it's not always convenient for me to go out at 9 to accommodate my training, but it's important to me, and I'm making it work.
Also, I've been pleased to discover that already the working out feels like a pretty solid routine. I don't even like to miss a day, and always end up doing SOMETHING to stay active, even if it's milder. The 500 calories it seemed so hard to burn when trainer first suggested it (instead of the 250 I had been doing)? Now it seems fairly routine, and like I could definitely do more if I want to, and sometimes I do. It's good to see and feel the progress of these big changes! I used to have low fat ice cream many nights at 10:30 or 11pm, now I have a small glass of chocolate milk, or a granola bar, if anything. I'm snacking WAY less, I'm eating more fruits and veggies, and my food choices in general have improved hugely. Cheers!
I really need to get to work. I have a fair amount to do, but I'm sitting here thinking of my drugstore shopping list for the lunch hour, and what the weather will be like Saturday morning for boot camp, and if I will find the right fall jacket this weekend when I go shopping for one. Priorities...I've got 'em. ;-)
As mentioned in my post last night, my bowling plans disappeared quite last minute. I was at the gym, being that annoying person texting while on the elliptical, when I found that out, and that meant I could no longer rationalize a shorter workout. I ended up stuck there doing my whole usual thing, which I suppose was good. I went home and watched a bunch of DVR, including the latest Survivor premiere. I enjoy the constancy of that show. :-)
Tonight I meet with my trainer again for our second session of the week. I did my weekly weigh in on Tuesday and I'd lost another pound, totaling at 4 lbs. gone in three weeks. Good start, I suppose! I'm waiting for the inevitable week when I either gain something back or just hold steady. It will happen, and it will be okay!
For now: the pants I'm wearing today used to be so snug (and they were fat pants, no less) that they left a dent in my stomach from wearing them, LOL. Today they are so loose around the waist that I could pull them right off without unbuttoning or unzipping. Time for a belt!
I have a date tonight with a new guy. We're meeting at a local restaurant/bar later on tonight. No idea what to expect, he seems nice enough, so we'll see how it goes! I'm keeping my options option since SC is still on my questionable list. At the very least, I'm excited for the soup at the restaurant.
;-)
You know, for the first couple of weeks of my working out, I basically did very little other than work out and take care of practical things like errands. I didn't do much socially because I was super focused on building a routine.
Now I'm over three weeks in, and in the last week I've been integrating more socializing back in, and it's an interesting balance. It's not only a matter of timing, and working my plans around my training sessions or gym visits or Boot Camp classes, but also balancing out eating wisely and drinking less and everything else. No, it's not always convenient for me to go out at 9 to accommodate my training, but it's important to me, and I'm making it work.
Also, I've been pleased to discover that already the working out feels like a pretty solid routine. I don't even like to miss a day, and always end up doing SOMETHING to stay active, even if it's milder. The 500 calories it seemed so hard to burn when trainer first suggested it (instead of the 250 I had been doing)? Now it seems fairly routine, and like I could definitely do more if I want to, and sometimes I do. It's good to see and feel the progress of these big changes! I used to have low fat ice cream many nights at 10:30 or 11pm, now I have a small glass of chocolate milk, or a granola bar, if anything. I'm snacking WAY less, I'm eating more fruits and veggies, and my food choices in general have improved hugely. Cheers!
I really need to get to work. I have a fair amount to do, but I'm sitting here thinking of my drugstore shopping list for the lunch hour, and what the weather will be like Saturday morning for boot camp, and if I will find the right fall jacket this weekend when I go shopping for one. Priorities...I've got 'em. ;-)
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Of rings and falling plans
Wanted to do a quick update before I get to bed.
1) After much consideration, and listening to everything you all had to say, and what my instincts told me, I sold my rings today. I did get more money than expected for them, and I'm satisfied. It was a little bit sad, but it was good to let them go and to move forward. :-) I took some of the money and bought my plane ticket home for Christmas and got an awesome price since it's so early!
2) SC and I had plans to go bowling again tonight. I touched base last night to confirm we had plans, and he said, "Yup, we're going bowling!" So I planned on it. My day was chaotic and busy and I booked it home to eat something then head to the gym so I could get home in time to clean up and head back out. I messaged SC while at the gym since I had been in such a rush to set a departure time.
He told me that he was warning me in advance he didn't feel fantastic, and had just woken up from a fitful couple hours of sleep to try to liven up. I told him to just stay home, he insisted at first he wanted to go. Then he waffled and I told him to just stay home. He agreed that was best, and there went my plans.
Monday he fell asleep. Wednesday he doesn't feel well. Both times he's made comments about how he missed out on seeing me, or that he really wanted to see me. Tonight he said something about "next wednesday is so far away", and I reminded him that we could try to do something this weekend
At this point I don't know if he's blowing me off or if these are just two legit random things that have come up. All I know is that I invited him over Monday. I asked about tonight. I followed up with him about tonight, and I mentioned the weekend. Now it's his turn. I'm frustrated because I feel like I've been making an effort and I keep ending up empty handed here, you know? I guess we'll just see how it goes.
3) Artboy free day. Every change has to start somewhere.
Goodnight!
1) After much consideration, and listening to everything you all had to say, and what my instincts told me, I sold my rings today. I did get more money than expected for them, and I'm satisfied. It was a little bit sad, but it was good to let them go and to move forward. :-) I took some of the money and bought my plane ticket home for Christmas and got an awesome price since it's so early!
2) SC and I had plans to go bowling again tonight. I touched base last night to confirm we had plans, and he said, "Yup, we're going bowling!" So I planned on it. My day was chaotic and busy and I booked it home to eat something then head to the gym so I could get home in time to clean up and head back out. I messaged SC while at the gym since I had been in such a rush to set a departure time.
He told me that he was warning me in advance he didn't feel fantastic, and had just woken up from a fitful couple hours of sleep to try to liven up. I told him to just stay home, he insisted at first he wanted to go. Then he waffled and I told him to just stay home. He agreed that was best, and there went my plans.
Monday he fell asleep. Wednesday he doesn't feel well. Both times he's made comments about how he missed out on seeing me, or that he really wanted to see me. Tonight he said something about "next wednesday is so far away", and I reminded him that we could try to do something this weekend
At this point I don't know if he's blowing me off or if these are just two legit random things that have come up. All I know is that I invited him over Monday. I asked about tonight. I followed up with him about tonight, and I mentioned the weekend. Now it's his turn. I'm frustrated because I feel like I've been making an effort and I keep ending up empty handed here, you know? I guess we'll just see how it goes.
3) Artboy free day. Every change has to start somewhere.
Goodnight!
ISO: Keymaster
I am currently hiring out for the position of Keymaster.
Last night I gathered my ipod, my water bottle, my phone, and a bag of trash to take out on my way to the gym. I pulled the door closed behind me and I realized.....my keys were inside.
This is the third time I've done this since living in this apartment. The first time was an easy fix. I had a friend, J, who lived nearby. I'd given him a key because he'd done some petsitting for me, and I wisely told him to keep it just in case. The first time I got locked out, he was over in 15 minutes to let me in.
The second time I was on my way out to a date, and I locked myself out. I had to call my apartment people because J had since moved away, and his key was in my couchside table drawer, homeless. Luckily, they arrived within about 15 minutes, and I killed time with my friendly neighbors outside while I waited. I was still on time for my date, too.
This time, the apartment people took 45 minutes to show. I split my time between shifting about restlessly outside of my apartment building and sitting like a weird lurker on the steps inside.
Here is where the worst part begins:
I texted Artboy. I don't even know why. I just joked that he should come save me since I was locked out. He very logically responded that he didn't have a key. I told him I was obviously joking and was just bored, and that this incident was indicative of how my afternoon had gone in general. That was the end of that conversation.
I was locked out of my apartment. I was bored. He lives MAYBE 10 minutes away. Not only did he fail to offer to come over and keep me company, but he didn't even try to engage me in conversation to distract me while I waited. It's good to know where I stand. Again. Still. Always.
I wish I had locked my phone in my apartment.
Then I IMed SC. This was 40 minutes into my waiting and I told him so. He immediately asked why I hadn't called him for a rescue, and told me he would have picked me up to grab a drink or something while I waited.
By the time apartment maintenance arrived and let me inside, I was fuming. I was so angry with myself. How long have I been doing this to myself? How long am I going to *keep* doing it? He didn't give a damn that I was locked out. It didn't even register on his radar. He carried on playing video games or watching TV or drinking or whatever it was he was doing, and the thought of helping me out in any fashion didn't occur to him.
How many times has he texted me that he's out of power, he's sick, he's too drunk to drive and is thusly walking? How many times have I then offered my apartment for A/C and power, offered to stop by if he needs meds or food or anything when sick, offered a ride from the Metro. Too many to count. This doesn't even factor in the times when I've listened to him vent when he is angry or stressed, the times I've offered to do things with him when he's seemed down, the ways I've tried to cheer him up or make him laugh.
What the hell does he do for me? I see him every couple of weeks, or every couple of months. He smiles at me, says something nice to me, confides something in me, and pretends to give a shit, and I fall all over myself buying the nonsense he's selling. I rationalize it. I place an inane value on the most minimalist effort that he puts in, and I tell myself that it proves he cares.
The closest he's ever been to being there for me has been half-hearted. But it always circles back to what I can do for him. What I can be for him. How I can make him happy. A big part of that is my fault.
He isn't happy. I can't fix that. He is strange and emo and depressed half the time, and he is emotionally 14 years old and stuck. He functions as an adult professionally and is brilliant at it, especially in terms of his job, and it's deceiving. It's misleading because inside he remains a lost, lonely, awkward, button pushing, non-compromising 14 year old.
I am 34 years old. I am tired of this bullshit. I am not asking the world of him. I'm not asking for him to save me, or to court me with huge romantic gestures, or to sit down and listen to me talk for hours. I would have been happy if he'd ever offered to come rub my head when I had a migraine. If he ever asked me over to just watch a movie we both enjoyed. If he made plans and followed through on them. If he ever called or texted just to see how I was doing. If, when I got locked out, he offered to swing by with food or just company, or if he even just sat there and talked with me via text while I waited out maintenance.
I don't get any of that. I get late night calls on his terms. I get dismissed when he's not in the mood for banter. Sometimes I just get ignored. I get a manipulative hour or three or ten with him, and then usually I pay for those "good" times by him being a more refined asshole for the following days.
The balance is not just off, it's immeasurably screwed. I'm really, really tired of being locked out, and I don't just mean from my apartment. I'm tired of selling myself so short and trying to explain it away.
Also? I really wish I didn't feel quite so on my own. I don't know who to put for a local emergency contact anymore, and I don't know who I can trust to have a key.
Chances are, it's going to a neighbor. Chances are, that will have to be enough for now.
Last night I gathered my ipod, my water bottle, my phone, and a bag of trash to take out on my way to the gym. I pulled the door closed behind me and I realized.....my keys were inside.
This is the third time I've done this since living in this apartment. The first time was an easy fix. I had a friend, J, who lived nearby. I'd given him a key because he'd done some petsitting for me, and I wisely told him to keep it just in case. The first time I got locked out, he was over in 15 minutes to let me in.
The second time I was on my way out to a date, and I locked myself out. I had to call my apartment people because J had since moved away, and his key was in my couchside table drawer, homeless. Luckily, they arrived within about 15 minutes, and I killed time with my friendly neighbors outside while I waited. I was still on time for my date, too.
This time, the apartment people took 45 minutes to show. I split my time between shifting about restlessly outside of my apartment building and sitting like a weird lurker on the steps inside.
Here is where the worst part begins:
I texted Artboy. I don't even know why. I just joked that he should come save me since I was locked out. He very logically responded that he didn't have a key. I told him I was obviously joking and was just bored, and that this incident was indicative of how my afternoon had gone in general. That was the end of that conversation.
I was locked out of my apartment. I was bored. He lives MAYBE 10 minutes away. Not only did he fail to offer to come over and keep me company, but he didn't even try to engage me in conversation to distract me while I waited. It's good to know where I stand. Again. Still. Always.
I wish I had locked my phone in my apartment.
Then I IMed SC. This was 40 minutes into my waiting and I told him so. He immediately asked why I hadn't called him for a rescue, and told me he would have picked me up to grab a drink or something while I waited.
By the time apartment maintenance arrived and let me inside, I was fuming. I was so angry with myself. How long have I been doing this to myself? How long am I going to *keep* doing it? He didn't give a damn that I was locked out. It didn't even register on his radar. He carried on playing video games or watching TV or drinking or whatever it was he was doing, and the thought of helping me out in any fashion didn't occur to him.
How many times has he texted me that he's out of power, he's sick, he's too drunk to drive and is thusly walking? How many times have I then offered my apartment for A/C and power, offered to stop by if he needs meds or food or anything when sick, offered a ride from the Metro. Too many to count. This doesn't even factor in the times when I've listened to him vent when he is angry or stressed, the times I've offered to do things with him when he's seemed down, the ways I've tried to cheer him up or make him laugh.
What the hell does he do for me? I see him every couple of weeks, or every couple of months. He smiles at me, says something nice to me, confides something in me, and pretends to give a shit, and I fall all over myself buying the nonsense he's selling. I rationalize it. I place an inane value on the most minimalist effort that he puts in, and I tell myself that it proves he cares.
The closest he's ever been to being there for me has been half-hearted. But it always circles back to what I can do for him. What I can be for him. How I can make him happy. A big part of that is my fault.
He isn't happy. I can't fix that. He is strange and emo and depressed half the time, and he is emotionally 14 years old and stuck. He functions as an adult professionally and is brilliant at it, especially in terms of his job, and it's deceiving. It's misleading because inside he remains a lost, lonely, awkward, button pushing, non-compromising 14 year old.
I am 34 years old. I am tired of this bullshit. I am not asking the world of him. I'm not asking for him to save me, or to court me with huge romantic gestures, or to sit down and listen to me talk for hours. I would have been happy if he'd ever offered to come rub my head when I had a migraine. If he ever asked me over to just watch a movie we both enjoyed. If he made plans and followed through on them. If he ever called or texted just to see how I was doing. If, when I got locked out, he offered to swing by with food or just company, or if he even just sat there and talked with me via text while I waited out maintenance.
I don't get any of that. I get late night calls on his terms. I get dismissed when he's not in the mood for banter. Sometimes I just get ignored. I get a manipulative hour or three or ten with him, and then usually I pay for those "good" times by him being a more refined asshole for the following days.
The balance is not just off, it's immeasurably screwed. I'm really, really tired of being locked out, and I don't just mean from my apartment. I'm tired of selling myself so short and trying to explain it away.
Also? I really wish I didn't feel quite so on my own. I don't know who to put for a local emergency contact anymore, and I don't know who I can trust to have a key.
Chances are, it's going to a neighbor. Chances are, that will have to be enough for now.
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