The Setting:
Blurry Chinatown
We met at 6:30. I was there first, like I usually am to everything. The Canadian showed up on time and apparently recognized me right away. We hugged in greeting, and got seated immediately. Thank god for weeknight dining because this spot generally has a 2 hour wait on the weekends.
He was a thin guy. Really thin. Cute, but in that "I run all the time and therefore look possibly hungry and waifish" kind of way. I generally prefer a guy with a little more to him. I'm pretty sure the Canadian weighed less than me.
He's divorced, like I said. But I found out last night that even though he has no kids with his ex, who still lives in Canada, he did end up having a child from a relationship post-divorce. That ex also lives in Canada, and he drives 7.5 hours every other weekend to go to Toronto to spend the weekend with his son. Dedicated? Of course. Unexpected? Yup.
I have never met someone who wanted to talk about marriage and divorce so much as the Canadian did. Seriously. We spent our hour and a half dinner talking about our failed marriages, the failed marriages of those around us, and how the failed marriages affected who we are now. No matter what I tried, he continually steered us back to this point.
I'm over my divorce. I don't need to talk about it. Or analyze it. In particular I don't need to do these things on a first date. :-/ WTF, mate? I found it incredibly weird.
The thing was, he was a really nice guy. Intelligent. Well spoken. Kind. A good listener. All great qualities. But in addition to his fixation on marriage and divorce talk, he was just so serious. I don't think he made a joke the entire time. Not one. He politely laughed at a few things I said, but he didn't seem willing (or capable?) of joining in.
Sense of humor? Huge to me. Imperative. Non-negotiable.
As I sat at dinner with the Canadian, I had a flash to how things might be if we ended up together somehow. Me his unpaid therapist helping him work through his ongoing issues stemming from his divorce (she initiated it, I think he's still hung up on it). Me hugging his frail little frame.
Oh well. It wasn't a bad date, exactly. It was just kind of formal, but like a weird therapy session I couldn't escape. At least I got a cute little box of matches out of the deal. ;-)
You should have said: OK, that'll be $100 please. Sounds like he needs some help getting over his divorce and, yeah, that's NOT the job of a potential mate.
ReplyDeleteRight? Super nice guy, but come on...he'd been divorced for 3 1/2 years now. Time to move past it.
DeleteOy... I have a friend who's been divorced for 2.5 years and he's still harping on about his ex every other day (or more). I completely understand that it's a hard thing to go through but how do you ever expect to move forward if you can't stop looking back?
DeleteYike! That's a lot of travel time every other weekend. Like you said, it's awesome he's so dedicated to seeing his kid, but definitely would put a strain on... well... everything. He didn't tell you about the kid before your date? That's real crappy. I've been on dates with guys whose online dating profile said they didn't have kids and then they'd pop the "Oh, just kidding! I have two!" on me at the date. What are they thinking?
Yeah, time to moveo n for sure.
DeleteAnd yeah, I don't think the kid was mentioned before. He even brought it up that way: "I have a son..did you know that?" Hmm.
If you have to talk about it all the time, you are not over it. Besides dating law number 1 is to not talk about your ex's on the first date. Divorced or not, I don't want to know about the mistake you made in your past. There is an eCard meme that sums it up pretty well on ex's: Any bitch before me was a mistake, and any bitch after is a downgrade. Truth.
ReplyDeletePlus, no sense of humor, bye bye!
I hope he at least paid for the date.
He did pay, and I didn't even offer to help. :/ I felt like I'd just done an hour and a half of work, so the least he could do was buy me dinner. :)
DeleteLOL wonder if I know him. Doubtful, Toronto is pretty huge. At least you can say you know a funny Canadian :D We do exist!!
ReplyDeleteHa, that would be alarming, LOL. You are officially my favorite Canadian. :) It has nothing to do with the fact that I only know two (THE Canadian and you). ;)
DeleteWoo hoo!!
DeleteIt sounds like he's not over his divorce and other relationships yet! Props for being dedicated to his kid, and I'm sure he's overall a great man, but doesn't mean he'd be a good boyfriend.
ReplyDelete(I loooove Canadians!)
My concern is that he got a woman pregnant, obviously shortly after his divorce and that relationship was obviously over quickly as well. He clearly wasn't over his wife when he had the relationship with his kids mom. Yay for dedication to his kid but the whole thing doesn't sound good.
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DeleteSabrina: Agreed on all of your points.
DeleteAsh: I'm not going to judge him on that, as I got into a serious relationship right after my split, and accidents do happen (I gather that was the case). Regardless, still not the guy for me. :)
Sounds fair.
Deletehmm...yes I'm a shallow bitch for saying this but I don't think I'd be a fan of having a guy that weighs less than me. However, that point aside, a first date should at least be fun. He could at least have saved the divorce topic to the second date!
ReplyDeleteHey, I thought the same thing, LOL. He just seemed so...frail. :/ And yeah, the divorce talk was WAY too much, way too soon. Oh well, he was nice enough and decent company for dinner. :)
DeleteYeah, frail is not a word you'd want to use to describe the guy you're seeing!
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