always trust your insticts

Today's life lesson:

Always trust your instincts. 

I've been trying to extract myself nicely from the situation with Ice Cream Guy. You know, the sappy MOFO I went out with twice.  I basically was honest and told him we didn't seem compatible because he's so much hearts and flowers and feelings and insecurity, and I'm not.  He took that as an invitation to try a new tact, wherein he suddenly started pretending he was really this super confident, charming guy who could get any woman he wanted.  It was just as unappealing, and everything he says and does reeks of trying too damn hard. 

On the upside, I heard these few gems over the last few days:

"Bluemoon, the pool of women for me is deep."

Him: "Bluemoon, you don't even know."
Me: "Know what?"
Him: "The game I didn't bring on our dates."

"Getting women for me is easy.  Any woman I've ever wanted I've gotten.  If I wanted you, I could have you."

We got into some rather bitchy back and forth last night, but then he started to get super patronizing and I told him I was not interested and asked why he continued to contact me.  His response included "Sweet cheeks".  My response?  "Wow, you're gross."  Then I blocked his dumb ass on Gchat and on POF. 

About an hour later I get an email.  "Hahaha, take it easy."

Delete.

Seriously, this guy is a loser reaching levels I didn't even know possible. 

One is the loneliest number

In theory, I love a good holiday weekend.  I like the anticipation of an extra day without work, the possibility of catching up on some sleep, getting up to something fun.  On the Friday before such a weekend, I feel that sense of excitement and it is like being a little kid again.  Then the actual long weekend alights, and I remember.  There is nothing like a holiday of any kind to make me hyper aware of how on my own I am.  Yes, it makes me feel fiercely single, but it goes beyond that.  It makes me so conscious of the things that are missing in my life.  I've begun to realize more and more lately that being perpetually single has illustrated to me just how much I relied on exes to indulge the activities that I enjoy most.  Why?

As a general rule, I am hard pressed to find friends to engage in the kind of activities that make me happiest.  What puzzles me is that my tastes are not hugely unusual.  I do not have a proclivity for strange hobbies.  That being said, why does no one like to do what I like to do?

Baseball games. 
Amusement parks.
Miniature golf.
Midnight movies.

These are some of my favorite activities, and it is insanely difficult to get people to do them with me.  I do succeed occasionally, but it's a rarity and often requires a great deal of advance planning.  Is there something wrong with me that I would rather do these things than spend my time in a bar?  Or shopping?  Or at home? I can't figure it out.  Most of these seem like pretty normal summer activities.  Sure, they are wholesome and minus the kind of debauchery some enjoy, but come on...baseball is the American pastime!  And rollercoasters get your adrenaline pumping, and miniature golf is just fun.  Midnight movies?  Not all the time, but come on!

I'm frustrated.  These are all things I used to do on a more consistent basis when I had a boyfriend.  Was it because it was part of a mutual exchange, wherein my ex did something he knew I enjoyed even if it wasn't his thing?  I don't know what it was exactly, but it makes me miss all of my exes even if they wouldn't otherwise merit such consideration.  Blah blah, I'm single hear me roar.  But I'm single and hard pressed to find anyone to do the things that I find fun. 

I want to go to a baseball game at the last minute because I work in DC and can do that.  I want to go to Kings Dominion a couple times over the summer, or road trip to Hershey one weekend.  I want to go miniature golfing at places new and old.  I want to go out for frozen custard, or take a lunch to hang out by the river, or go swimming, and catch the occasional midnight movie.  I want someone to run random errands with me and enjoy it, I want to BBQ summer meals and sit outside and watch fireflies light up the sky, and watch a summer thunderstorm roll in with someone.

I am so fucking tired of being alone.  I am tired of not having the kind of friends that I grew up with to spend time with here.  I miss having that kind of friend where we could just hang out and have fun even if we weren't doing anything.  I have been left behind, and now get togethers require days, if not weeks of advance notice, and people disappear for weeks at a time.  I'm left wondering if I somehow did something wrong without realizing it, or if I am just such a footnote that I truly can be shuffled to the side that way without a second thought. I am so tired of holiday weekends where I just feel lonely and forgotten and so stupidly aware of my solo status in life that it's consuming. 

The problem with this stage of life is that if you don't have good friends at the ready by now, you're kind of screwed.  Once people get spouses and kids your chances of building anything new and strong is severely diminished.  You will get their leftover time at best.  Even some people just in dating relationships will do the same thing.  You will watch them slowly and carefully hand over all of their independence in favor of this embedded twosome.  I know that routine.  I've done it many times, and when things fell apart later, I regretted it so badly. 

Now I'm on the outside, and I'm sad and frustrated and confused about why no one wants to do anything fun anymore.  There are fun things outside of drinking in any number of venues and staying in constantly.  There is fun outside of playdates and book clubs. 

I am so, so grateful that I already have travel planned for my birthday.  Why?  Because I guarantee it would have been another disappointing day for me if I didn't.  I'm desperately trying to find something to do out of town for the 4th of July because I don't want another holiday filled with feeling like crap. 

Lately I find myself romanticizing my hometown where I grew up.  I know it's a naive and inaccurate notion, that if I lived there things would be so much better.  But sometimes I think it's true.  Yes, most of my closest girlfriends live there, but most of them have husbands and children and jobs and lives.  Even though they all live in the same city, they don't see each other constantly.  It requires effort and planning sometimes.

But damn, they have each other if they need each other.  And no matter how long I've been gone, or how infrequently we catch up, I feel like I could stop by and say hi at least for a few minutes with any of them.  There's no one here I feel like I can do that with.  No one.  Eight years here, and what do I have to show for it?   The two girlfriends I've been closest with here are no longer in my life, one being a mutual splitting of interests, and another being a selfish choice by that friend based on her own problems in her life.

Beyond my girlfriends, I think about how if I were in my hometown, I would have my brother and his wife, and my grandfather and my mother and stepdad.  I guarantee that if I lived there I would see my brother a lot, and we would hang out a lot, and I miss that possibility so much sometimes.  I'm trying to rationalize a really expensive plane ticket to get home for the 4th because the idea of another holiday weekend being spent 95% on my own makes me so infinitely sad I can't explain it. 

The summary of my weekend:
Friday I went home from work and I fell asleep from 7-9pm.  I watched some DVR and went back to sleep.
Saturday: Slept until 11 am.  Cleaned the bejesus out of my apartment. Went to gym.  Ran a couple errands.  Went to dinner and midnight movie with a friend. (THANK GOD for one person with some flexibility).
Sunday: Slept in.  Watched a ton of Grey's Anatomy, as I'd decided to go back and watch the season I missed on Hulu.  Ran a couple of errands.  Went to the gym.
Monday: Slept in.  Gym.  Errands.  Grey's Anatomy.

I'm serious.  I listened to neighbors having a good time with friends over upstairs.  I watched other neighborhood residents BBQ in the courtyard, go on walks with their significant others and dogs, come back from trips out of town.  I heard friends speak of parties and baseball games and family events they went to.  I saw pictures of all of these things on Facebook.  All the while I spent most of my weekend in my apartment by myself eating crap food I didn't need, watching hours of a TV show, and mourning the fact that I have no one to celebrate anything with anymore.

I feel very disillusioned sometimes by my life here.  It's weird because sometimes I love it, and I can't imagine not being here.  But others?  I hate it.  I hate how alone it makes me feel.  I hate that it just shines a light on my oneness, and how the days I'm supposed to be having extra fun or celebrating, I end up feeling worse.  I feel like I am less than everyone around me, and I wonder how I got to this point, where I am on the periphery of everything, an afterthought to those who know me.

If something happened to me here, no one would know the difference for days except for my work and my mom, because there is not a single person that I check in with every single day, or even every other day.  I don't matter here.  Even my ex-husband, for a long time the closest thing I had out here to family, doesn't give a shit anymore.  I hear from him once every couple of weeks at best. 

Sometimes I really hate it here.  And I wonder if loving my job is enough.  And I think that maybe the idea of moving back "home" isn't so awful, and that maybe I would be happier in my daily life, and so having a less than perfect job wouldn't matter.  And I wouldn't have to live in a tiny, hugely overpriced apartment, or spend holidays alone. 

I used to think that I loved having left home because my world was so small there. I felt so sheltered and closed in.  But now that I am in a bigger world, I realize that bigger can certainly mean lonelier, and I don't like that anymore.  I can survive on my own, sure...but do I want to?  Do I want to be the only one looking out for me forever?  It's exhausting, and it's sad, and it makes me feel like I don't matter.  That is not a good feeling.  I don't know how to fix it.

Again, thank god for a planned birthday trip.  After that, who knows.  Maybe my idea that DC is where I belong is wrong.  Maybe I don't fit here like I thought after all.

fast forward friday

So I'm at work, and I can't say I'm excited about that.  It's the Friday before the holiday weekend, and many people are out of the office.  I spent about an hour this morning doing some necessary work and now that I've wrapped that up, I'm feeling less than enthusiastic.

I brought my Kindle Fire to work, and it's loaded with some episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and a new book.  I will certainly be busting that out sooner than later.  I also plan to take a very long lunch with my door closed so I can get up to whatever I want with no judgment or reproach.  This includes laying my head down on my desk and faux napping, or surfing the net, or indulging in some quality texting time with miscellaneous people.  I may venture out in the afternoon to meet a friend for coffee/dessert, which will be a welcome break in this long Friday.

I am having one of those days where I just want to go home and have a nice, quiet night in.  Last night I went to the grocery store and the gym, and then I randomly made chili about 12:30 am.  Went to bed with it beginning to cook in my crockpot and woke up to a delightful, ready to go lunch.  It actually felt kind of seasonally appropriate today, too.....only low sixties this morning with a really strong wind that made it feel cooler.  It felt very autumnal outside!

This is the most boring blog post ever.  In case I don't return with something interesting to say, I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Delicate little flowers aren't for me

So Ice Cream Guy messages me this morning to tell me he has a story.  This is his story. 

 

This morning I was walking and I ran into a old lady. As I got closer, she turned away and clutched her possessions like she was scared.

I started to become sad. I do not want to be in a place where people are so afraid.

I smile at her and said, it is a beautiful morning and smiled.

She instantly relaxed. and called me a nice young man.

I was able to have a self reflection. We are all powerful individuals. A smile can be a powerful thing yet it is underutilized. Especially in my tool set.

While this may be common knowledge to some, it is not commonly used.. I found it fascinating.

 

This is my life, people. I either attract arrogant jackasses, or I attract delicate little flowers who are 100x too sensitive and introspective for me. Perhaps there is something dead inside of me? When I read this, I don't think how sweet, or how lovely. I roll my eyes, and I feel like he is entirely too self-aware of how awesome of a human being he fancies himself to be. I cringe a little. I yearn for a sarcastic message from one of the arrogant jackasses to cleanse my palate.  And I debate over how to reply because I can't bring myself to get all hearts and flowers about this when I don't feel hearts and flowers over it.  I don't want to be mean, but damn....seriously?

I'd rather be reading

So it's Tuesday, but in my mind I've already started thinking about the three-day weekend.  I have no big, noteworthy plans.  Right now I have no set plans at all aside from a session with my trainer on Sunday morning.  I have a lot of maybe things going on, including a midnight showing of "The Shining", possibly going to see the latest Iron Man movie with my ex-H since he saw "The Great Gatsby" with me on Sunday, maybe some outlet shopping, maybe some time outside reading by the Potomac in the park I like to go to.  All I know is that I'm looking forward to the extra day off! 

I think I found my new stylist this past weekend, too.  I really loved her.  I got my first "Deva" cut, which is a specialized technique for curly hair.  I was there for about an hour and a half just for the cut, which included an initial consult of about 10 minutes, then a dry haircut, then a three step washing/conditioning deal, some time under a dome dryer, and a touch up in the styling chair. 

I don't know if its the cut, or the new Deva products I'm using, or the new tricks I'm implementing at her suggestion, or some combination of all of those things, but my hair has been crazy curly the last couple of days.  It's pretty cool and I'm liking it!  I'm also intrigued to see how my hair looks blown out in light of the Deva cut.  Deva cuts address the hair curl by curl, focusing more on the shape of the actual curls and the way they fall than exact matching lengths.  Thusly, when my hair is straight and blown out, the differences in length that may be there may be more obvious.  My stylist said that this will just add more texture to my blowout and assured me it will be fine. 

She gave me the slightest A-line haircut ever, mostly just because my hair is already fairly short.  She said that as it grows I can have a more severe A-line, which I love the idea of.  It's interesting because from the front it looks mostly just like I got a mild layer trim, but in the back she cut off a bit more length and a lot of the layers.  It just lays so much better and I love it!

Anyway, enough of that.  Not much going on this week.  I have a session with my trainer thursday night, and that's all I have on the books aside from my own gym time.  Last night I did get my apartment vacuumed and my bedding washed, which was really nice.  I love going to bed on fresh, cleanly washed bedding. 

Work:  My desk is full of about half a dozen boring, time consuming, but necessary projects to be done.  Blah.  None of them have any kind of deadline, so I'm not so motivated to get going on them.  A bunch of our partners are at a conference this week, so it's really dead around here.  I imagine it will only get worse as the week goes on as people defect early for the holiday!  I really wish I could take Friday off, as all my days off anymore are allocated for travel.  I'm considering it, but I feel bad asking for more time off even though I have plenty of it to take.  We'll see.  The idea of having Friday off...so tempting!  :-)  I just know it will be such a ghost town around here!

Anyway, that's all I know for now. 

Muffins and burnt fingers

I just burnt my index finger on a curling iron.  Why, yes, I am at work!  It's that kind of Friday...the kind where I get to work late, close my door and touch up my hair with the curling iron.  No one's around early on in the day, so I can do these kinds of things.

I was late today for a chain reaction of reasons.  First of all, I stayed home last night with a grand plan of doing nothing.  I got into bed at 10:30 with great aspirations to get to bed at a reasonable hour.  And then the boy called, and we ended up on the phone until 1:30 in the morning.  Subsequently, I got up and was moving a bit slower this morning, and dawdled over my shoe selection for my Friday outfit.  I then missed my bus as a result of said dawdling, and had to catch the next one.  Then once in DC I decided I needed to go to Whole Foods, wherein I purchased a delightful selection of mixed fruit in a ready to go fashion, and a corn muffin.  Then I stopped at Starbucks because I needed to complete my trifecta of destruction.  :-)

So here I am now, fruit on my desk, coffee already gone, muffin at the ready, better than before curls and a burnt finger.  I can't say I've done a lot of work in the hour I've been here, but it's Friday, and that's okay.  I'll get to some work shortly, but it's taking me awhile to get into the work frame of mind.  I cannot wait for tomorrow morning when I can sleep in and hopefully catch up on some much needed rest. 

My weekend should be good.  Tonight is happy hour with my friends, the tame version.  :-)  I'm actually hoping to get home by 10 so I can power through a little DVR.  My DVR has been woefully neglected and is chock full of good things for me to get through when I can.  First on my list is The Office finale.  Tomorrow will be sleeping in, and then going to the gym.  Hair appointment in the afternoon, and then date, baby, date in the evening.  Weather reliant we have plans to go miniature golfing and get some food.  I'm looking forward to it!

I am frighteningly unmotivated today. 

I suspect I am going to kiss someone new this weekend.

I hope the new hairstylist does not ruin me.

I wish I could go play in the sun instead of being stuck inside today!

Blue Moon Rising

So last Friday I had one of those days that I have a couple times a year at most, the kind where I let down all of my guards, broke all my own rules, and just let things happen.  It was amazing, and fun, and surprising, and strange.  I had drinks with friends, so many different groups of friends that merged and separated and merged again as the night wore on.  I saw a comedy show (Bobby Lee), got pictures with the comedian.  I danced with my friends and I laughed and I flirted and made out with a 25 year old who has been wanting to kiss me for at least a year.  ;-)  Yes, he's a baby.  But he's a damn good-looking guy and he's fun and flirty and we danced and had a good time.  So this almost 35 year old will take it and run with it and hold it like a scandalous little badge of honor!

I'm supposed to partake in another happy hour tomorrow, though with a slightly different group.  Perhaps some overlap, but we'll see.  This will subsequently (and necessarily) be a milder happy hour, at least for me.  I need to save my drinking days for special occasions, like my Cincinnati trip in the first weekend of June, and then my birthday happy hour on June 21, and then my birthday Florida trip on the four days following said happy hour.  And of course, my Ocean City trip with the girls in late July! 

I'm excited for my birthday this year.  It's about 5 weeks away, but I already feel hopeful that it will help erase the memory of last year's super depressing birthday.  I look forward to the merging of some more of my current work friends with my former work friends, as well as extraneous friends like the 25 year old.  If everyone shows, it should be a good time!  And if only the couple staunchly reliable ones show, that will still be awesome.  :-)  I will be leaving town that following day for the beach in Florida, and I am crazy excited for that.  Also, I'm excited to hang out with my friend, Tracy, as we've never taken a trip together.  Good times ahead!

So the weekend is looming.  This is a good thing because of the following reasons:

1) Weekends?  Always awesome.

2) I have a hair appt. with a new stylist Saturday afternoon in Old Town.  I'm terrified to try new stylists, but I'll never find one if I don't!  Crossing my fingers she can find a way to give this mop some body and shape and fun without taking away too much of the (tiny amount of) length I've been working to acquire. 

3) Trainer session on Sunday morning.  Yes, I do look forward to this! 

4) Second date on Saturday, I do believe.

5) I hope to go see The Great Gatsby, probably on Sunday, for realsies this weekend!  If not, I guess it gets bumped to the holiday weekend! 

6) I have a deeply held desire to really clean my apartment this weekend, including the completion of the seasonal clothing transition and hopefully compiling a collection of things to donate and rid myself of!  Really hope I can make this happen, but the apartment cleaning is top of the list.  My apartment is tiny, but is it wrong to wish for a one time cleaning service treat to do a good, deep clean so that I can just start fresh?  ;-)

7)  Yes, I said second date.  ;-)  First date was last night, and we very adorably met for ice cream.  Once the shop closed, we sat outside and talked for about an hour.  When we went our separate ways, we hugged and he smelled really good, and I drove home smiling.  And I went to the gym (late!) smiling. And it was nice. 

8)  I'm starving.  I know this veered from the intent of the list, but I couldn't help myself.  Time to wrap up and procure some food!



 

Just Say No to Dough

So it turns out I'm a sucker sometimes.  I tried to cancel that date on Wednesday night, but I somehow got talked out of it.  We ended up bumping it to later in the evening so I didn't have to rush around when I got home, and switched it from dinner to coffee so it wasn't so much of a time commitment.  I met him in Old Town on a drizzly, gray evening when I would have preferred to just go to the gym and go home. 

Sigh.  He was a nice guy.  Very innocent and polite, nearly formal.  We sat in two high backed armchairs facing one another across a low slung table, and it was awkward and difficult to hold conversation.  This guy made pale me look tan, folks.  As I sat there I kept thinking that he reminded me of uncooked dough.  :-o  Jebus, I know that sounds awful, but he was just so pale, and so bald, and so pale and so bald.  Needless to say, there was less than zero chemistry and I was so grateful to escape after about 30 minutes. 

Hun guy got told again that I don't like being called Hun, Sweetie or Babe.  He apologized, but seems to be backing off, which is welcome.  Hopefully he will just slowly go away, like clouds on a rainy day?  I don't know.  Drift away, Hun.  Drift away!

I went to see Ross Mathews last night, and OMG, he is adorable.  And hilarious.  I don't remember the last time I laughed so much, and so earnestly.  He also just has a really amazing message of self acceptance and empowerment, and I appreciated that aspect of it as well.  I met him and got my book signed and a photo with him after the show, and he was just as nice and genuine as I'd hoped.  :-)  Totally worth the wait in line!  I'm about halfway through his book and it is a great read. 

Tonight I'm going to see Bobby Lee with a group of friends, so I anticipate more laughter this evening.  This makes me happy!  Tomorrow morning I get to wake up bright and early to head into DC for the Susan G. Komen 5K, which I am participating in with a team from my firm.  They have scheduled a brunch for after the 5K, which I'm also attending.  Unfortunately they are predicting rain and storms tomorrow.  I guess we'll see!  I was also supposed to go see a baseball game, but again, that is weather dependent. 

I've got about three gentlemen that want to get together this weekend, but I don't know what will become of that.  They will all be first meetings, so who knows.  I feel like after going out tonight and being out for the morning and early afternoon tomorrow may lead me to want to stay in Saturday.  I do really want to see Gatsby, but I am not brazen enough to go see it solo on a Saturday night!  Maybe in the afternoon if the game gets rained out.  Sunday will probably be grocery store, that's my only for sure plan, aside from a session with my trainer in the morning.

Sometimes I am wistful for having a built in date to things that come up that I want to do.  Example:  Donnie Darko is the midnight movie at a theater I like this weekend, and next weekend is Back to the Future.  I would love to go to both of these, but I know just about no one who is game for an 11:45 movie, even on a weekend!  Very unfortunate!

Okay, enough rambling for this morning.  Off to do some work so I can get to 5pm all the sooner!

wednesday whatevers

I love the little rush I get upon receipt of a text or IM from someone I'm interested in.  It makes me flush with excitement, smile reflexively and makes my day sometimes.  It's too bad that there is not a single person I'm talking to right now that elicits that reaction.

Every time my phone buzzes lately I pretty much know I'm going to be disappointed.  I get a fairly consistent number of texts from people I'm just not into.  Guy I dated briefly last summer who now lives in New Mexico ? Texts me almost every day.  I don't really know why.  When he first contacted me again a few months ago we we were exchanging emails and it was kind of interesting and fun, with no expectation of romance.  But now I find myself bored.  It's not going anywhere, including any real friendship. He's just a guy I dated a few times, never kissed, and will never see again.  A guy I would never want to date now that I know him more.  And a guy who gives me false hope that he's someone interesting every day when he uselessly texts me about nothing. 

Then there are the randoms, like the Hun guy, who texts me like 4 times a day even if I don't reply.  I just don't feel like dealing with him.  I would rather my phone not buzz at all than buzz with non-engaging, pointless contact.  I feel like I am maxed out on maintaining these silly friendships with people I tried to date.  I have enough friends, I don't need these guys.  I'm too nice, and I let people back in even when I'm done.  New Mexico guy is totally harmless, not toxic in any fashion, but he's just...boring.  And his relationship drama annoys me.  He's predominantly STILL hung up on his ex who lives in DC still and continues to treat him like trash.  In the meantime, he's hooked up with a friend/co-worker in NM who is way younger and constantly pitches fits and creates drama.  It's like being in high school, and it's boring.

I'm mean.  It's possible.  But I just don't want pointless drama of my own, nor do I want pointless drama of others.  Grow up already, you know?  I don't want to hear about how your 22 year old co-worker is chasing you around and how you TOLD her you couldn't give her what she wanted, and she SAID it was fine at the time, but clearly now it is NOT fine.  If she's such a burden, stop hanging out with her?  Nope, you want to stay friends.  Sigh.

Sometimes I feel like blocking half of these people from my phone, or just telling them how I feel straight up.  Subtract your drama from my life, please.  Take your high school antics elsewhere.  Contact me if you have something real to say, not to tell me how much I'm missing out by not seeing the latest Iron Man movie.  A) I'm not missing anything and B) Boring.

I wish I could cut out of work and just go to the gym.  I feel like I apparently have some frustrations to work out.  And this date tonight?  I don't even feel like going.  This guy is so BLAH to me.  I can remember his name and nothing else.  Not a single characteristic or piece of information stands out in my mind.  Boring.

I fear I'm verging on another dating burnout period.  I hate even writing about this because I feel like I'm just setting myself up to get that same advice that pisses me off EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Please don't ever, ever tell me any of the following:

You'll meet someone when you're not looking.
Get involved in hobbies you enjoy, you'll find personal fulfillment and you may meet someone who shares you're interests.
Online dating is evil/soulless/pointless.  Date people you know in the real world!

Any variation of the above will rub me the wrong way.  I'm not a stupid person.  If I could just decide to meet someone in real life I would.  It doesn't work that way.  Wanting it doesn't make it so.  I have enough hobbies and enough friends.  I don't have time or interest in joining a book group or a whatever else group.  My life is full aside from the romantic aspect of things.  I do not have some big personal void that only a group of strangers who like to do something I like to do can fill. 

Sometimes I just get burnt out on dating.  And for the record?  The people I meet in real life are no better. No more reliable.  No more charming.  No more intelligent.  No more dedicated to finding something real. 

Summer is coming.  It's the busier time of the year.  I have lots of things going on, and I also have lots I enjoy doing on my own in the warmer months.  So I'll be single for another birthday.  And?  At least I'll be single for another birthday while in Florida on the beach.  Life goes on, and I'm perfectly capable of continuing to function on my own....forever.  Ha.

the collapse continues

My originally super busy week is collapsing further today at word that my trainer had to cancel my session tonight.  I am decidedly unsurprised!

In lieu of his session, I'm going to go to Target to pick up my copy of "Man Up" by Ross Mathews, which came out today.  I'm going to his book reading/signing Thursday, so I need my copy in hand!  Also, I will be picking up the actual CD of The Great Gatsby soundtrack.  Target is doing one of their exclusive editions with extra songs on it, so I'm going to take advantage and just rip it into my music collection this evening.  Love having new music to look forward to!

I ordered my other two books last night via Amazon and they will arrive Thursday:  "The Potty Mouth at the Table" by Laurie Notaro, whose books routinely make me laugh out loud like a crazy person on the train and "Don't Worry, It Gets Worse" by Alida Nugent, aka The Frenemy blogger.  Interested to see how that one is! 

Last night I went to the store and picked up a few things for smoothies, Cheerios, some steamer veggies and some new and hopefully delicious hummus chips of some sort.  I may utilize my Target trip to get a chicken breast that is NOT cold hard frozen like all of mine for dinner tonight to pair with some of the veggies. 

I have a supposed date tomorrow with a gent I've not nicknamed yet because he's not done anything noteworthy to stand out in a nickname fashion.  We're supposed to meet for dinner at an Irish pub in Old Town, so we'll see how that goes, if it goes. 

Still haven't dealt with the Heart Attack guy.  Also?  What a horrible nickname I've given him.  I'm awful.  But it seems to be his definining characteristic aside from "Hun".  Maybe I should call him that instead.  So Hun texted me last night and I responded back after a long delay, and he wrote back.  I opted of replying to his message since that one ended with "babe".  Today I got "Good morning, hun."  Sigh.  I know I need to extricate myself from this like an adult, but I DON'T WANNA!  :-/

All I wish is that it were Thursday so all the fun things could start.  And I wish I had a good date for "The Great Gatsby".  I will go by myself before I take some random first date guy to something I'm so excited for.

That's all I know on this dreary, rainy Tuesday.

surly bluemoon

It's definitely a Monday.
I definitely need acupuncture tonight. 
I definitely need a good workout.

Today has not been a good day.  It started out well enough with me waking up before my alarm.  That meant I was ready for the bus that gets me to work on time instead of late.  Came in and started sorting through emails from Friday when I was out of the office.  I had some catch up to do, but nothing out of control.

And then.

People started asking moronic questions.  And my Wednesday plan to go see a baseball game fell through.  That was disappointing even though I suspected it may have been rained out, anyway.  Then my Sunday plan to see a baseball game fell through.  Please note that Sunday is the only day of my three originally scheduled baseball days this week that is not supposed to be rainy.

I agreed to a second date with someone from the other week for this coming Sunday, but I think I'm going to cancel.  1) He calls me "Hun" every time he messages me and it drives me up a wall. We went out once, sir.  You have to earn the right to call me a pet name, and like I've said before, doing it this early makes me feel like you can't be bothered to remember my name. 

2) Innuendo.  Not a fan.  He asked what I was doing when I got back into town last night and I told him I was going to go to the gym. He said I should come "work out" with him, that he was just as good of a workout as the gym, and cuter.  He also frequently texts me things like, "Thinking of you.  Muah!"  Um.  ONE DATE.

3) Plus, this guy seriously just had a heart attack (at 36) two and a half weeks ago.  He can't drive far (and he lives 45 minutes from me).  He can't do any real exercise right now.  Call me evil, but when factoring in everything else on top of this, I don't really want to be forced into driving out to him all the time, or worrying about him constantly. 

In summation, I think I'm going to extricate myself from that situation.

Angry Ex emailed me this weekend, fishing to see if I'd hang out with him.  He "needed to talk" and wanted to see me.  Nope. 

Artboy pissed me off Friday by IMing ME. I told him I was at a Braves game while in Atlanta.  Because it's the polite thing to do, I asked him what he was doing.  "Why do you even care?  You're at a Braves game.  I'm flying to a rocket to the moon.  It's going to be amazing."  Yeah, screw you, Artboy.  I was being polite.  Try it.

Today I had an online dating random tell me I was "high maintenance" because I told him that I wasn't into his two word messages.  He pitched a bitch fit and told me he was at work and had priorities.  Right.  Except for when he was initiating messages with me.  While at work.  I blocked his dumb ass.

I was really, really looking forward to this week.  Yesterday I was super excited about all of the things I had going on, and now I feel like this is going to be one of those weeks where it all gradually falls apart.  I am certain my Thursday plans are proceeding because tickets are bought, and I assume the same about Friday.  5K on Saturday is a set plan, as is acupuncture tonight and trainer tomorrow.  Supposed to have a date Wednesday rescheduled from Tuesday.  And I will be going to see The Great Gatsby this weekend sometime, even if I go by myself. 

Today I just feel jaded, and tired, and burnt out on people.  My apartment is in dire need of a deep clean and I have zero motivation to do it.  The weather is gray and gloomy and cool and disappointing. 

Part of me really wants the relaxation acupuncture provides, and the therapeutic release the gym provides.  Another part of me says it's gray and shitty out and I'm in a grumpy mood, and I just want to lay on the couch and watch DVR and paint my nails.  Thusly my goal is to do all of those things in some measure.  A little DVR when I get home, or paint the nails.  Acupuncture at 7pm.  Gym shortly thereafter.  Then DVR/nails at home.  Then sleep at a hopefully reasonable hour. 

Tomorrow night I'll do trainer at 8pm, and Target either before or after.  Going to buy Target's exclusive edition of The Great Gatsby soundtrack (yes, an actual CD!) and Ross Mathews book for the book signing and reading on Thursday. 

I need a date with myself.  Hope to get it between tonight and tomorrow.

Men are like boomerangs

Yeah, that's right.  The men in my life are like boomerangs.  They always come back!  This time it was just Swoon.  Got a random text around 10pm last night.  "Hey, Bluemoon!  How are you doing?"

Sigh.  So predictable!  Told him I was very busy lately, but fine.  He told me he'd thought of me many times since our night out and wanted to see how I was.  Told me we should do it again.  This time he offered to come to me.

I reminded him I wasn't interested in random hookups, and he told he wasn't either.  That he'd had fun hanging out with me, and the conversation had been good.  Yup.  I'm sure the conversation is why he circled back!

He was clearly looking for me to offer myself up for this weekend, but I dismissively told him I was out of town this weekend.  He seemed disappointed, so I told him he could probably come to DC, anyway, and pick up some random young thing who would be more easily blinded by his charm and physique.  ;-)

I was on my way to sleep by this point and lagging off in the chat, so he ended with a hopeful suggestion to keep him in mind, and that we were just a few good songs down the highway from each other.  This still makes me laugh today.  :-p

I'll keep his number in my phone in case I'm ever feeling reckless and random because he would be an excellent person to be reckless and random with.  But in the meantime, I'm good!

Went on a couple of dates last weekend.  Thought the first one went well, but it has burned off since, and the second one went fairly well, too.  Did have to have a chat with the guy about being a little too much in general, and he's scaled it back significantly since then, so I guess he listened.  I'm too busy in the coming days to worry too much about dating, so I'm kind of glad for that.  I enjoy being unavailable for the time being, it's fun to watch these guys squirm a little. 

I was supposed to go out with a new guy monday night, but he's coming off way too insecure, and not in a cute way.  Neediness turns me off, and totally baseless insecurity (he's gorgeous and has a great job) is worse.

Work is insanely busy lately, but I'm being hugely productive, so that's awesome.  Went to boot camp last night and tweaked my knee for the second night in a row.  First time was at my regular training session and was the result of a deep lunge exercise that is just not good for my ailing knee.  Stupidly tried to keep up with the jump lunge portion of boot camp last night and hurt it again.  Iced it at home, but it's sore today and I'm not pleased.  Not sure if I should go to the gym tonight and just take it easy on the arc trainer or skip it altogether.  I'll be out of town this weekend so no set gym time then either, so I'm really hesitant to skip tonight totally.  Will be icing it again for sure later and ibuprofen is my friend!

So glad today is my friday at work!  Also so glad I'm not in Omaha or really anywhere in the Midwest that has gotten any quantity of snow in the last couple of days.  WTF, world?  It's MAY!!!